Awhile back, my AT&T U-Verse crapped out on me. I was literally without cable TV or Internet access for 24 hours. It was quite an ordeal getting it repaired, because AT&T had to send someone to the house to fix it. Unfortunately, they entered a wrong digit for my phone number int he AT&T data base, so it became a big pain in the butt to get my cable running -- and I missed Monday Night Football. it was a terrible inconvenience for me, which is exactly how I explained it to the nice lady who was informing me that I had missed my appointment because they had entered my phone number wrong and that someone would be out between 5-9 that night (it was closer to 9:00). The reason I mention this is that when I mentioned that I was now a FORMERLY happy AT&T customer, they jumped on the grenade and gave me HBO free for three months to placate me. And, this, ladies and gentlemen, has allowed me to watch The Incredible Hulk roughly 16 times in the past month.
Let me point out immediately, that by The Incredible Hulk, I mean the new one. The one with Ed Norton and Liv Tyler. The good one. I actually saw this twice in the theater, the first movie to earn that distinction since maybe Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. Those of you who know me well will find this no surprise at all. I have been a huge Hulk mark my entire life. As a matter of fact, I even defended the first Hulk movie, The Hulk, and it's crappy Ang Lee directed story. I said it "wasn't that bad" and that "I liked the Hulk parts, I just wish there'd been more of them" and "Jennifer Connelly looked hot in it." What I've since discovered is that just like in the comics (except for crappy red Hulk -- Nice work Loeb), the new version Hulk always kicks the snot out of the old version Hulk.
Then, during one of the many viewings of The Incredible Hulk, it dawned on me.....How the hell did that happen when you have Ang Lee directing your movie??? Having Ang Lee make a movie that sucks is like turning your kid's little league football team over to Mike Ditka and having it lose. You have to take all things into account here. Ang Lee directed an Oscar-nominated movie about gay cowboys. Yes, gay cowboys and Oscar-nominated were used together in the last sentence. So how does THAT guy make the Hulk suck? Which would be harder to work with -- big green guy who smashes stuff or gay cowboys? In any case, Brokeback Mountain gets rave reviews, and The Hulk gets, at best, mixed reviews. And I develop a deep seeded loathing of Ang Lee.
I've actually spent a lot of time trying to figure out how this happened, and I think I have it figured out. When Ang Lee started to make The Hulk, he vowed to create a Hulk movie with feeling and heart, that was more than just "Hulk Smash!" Therein lies the problem. Die hard Hulk fans want to see "Hulk smash," not "Hulk looks within himself to try to figure out his daddy issues and how these have thus affected his relationships as he has matured." Remember the Incredible Hulk TV series? All I ever wanted from that show as to hear the late, great Bill Bixby say, "Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry," because that meant it was time for some Lou Ferrigno-fueled destruction. And that was fun to watch.
The new Incredible Hulk movie has lots of smashing. But, almost ironically, it has a lot more heart and feeling to it than the crummy Ang lee movie. As a big fan of the Hulk comics (I currently own a run of nearly ever book between issues 300 and 400 from the 80s and 90s), I thought the little things that the new movie touched on, like the relationship between Betty Ross and Bruce Banner, and the dynamic between Betty and General Thunderbolt Ross, was more successful in the new movie. The other thing I like about it?....lots of HULK SMASH!!!! And the Hulk shouting, "Hulk smash!" I am especially fond of the smashing parts.
Well, I think it's about time to wrap up my blogging for the night. I feel better now having unleashed some of my Ang Lee angst, and lauding my boy Hulk. I also just happened to check out the guide on the TV and just happened to notice that one of the 14 HBO channels I'm getting for free is showing The Incredible Hulk in about 15 minutes, and I don't want to miss that.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
I Have Seen the Enemy...and It is Nerds
A couple Sundays ago, I found myself in the car - alone - running errands around town -alone- and realized that for one of the rare moments in my life the past few years, I was actually alone. So, I did what any nearing middle age father would do when face with similar circumstances, I went to the comic book store. This is, actually, a bit unusual for me, because I found that tiny voice in my head that sounds a lot like Jiminy Cricket telling me, "You never go to the comic book store on Sundays. There's a reason for this, you know." You know the voice I'm talking about. It's the same one that told Tiger, "You know, a voice mail here would be a BAD idea, Tiger." And like most men, I completely ignored that little voice. Then I walked into my local neighborhood comic book store, the esteemed Prairie Dog Comics, and realized that there IS a reason I don't go to the comic book store on Sundays. . .Sunday is card gaming day.
I will be the first to admit that I am a nerd, but one thing I have vehemently avoided is playing card games. Aside from a briefs dalliance with Magic, which I swear was a one-time thing and the result of some bad advice from a friend, I don't get into Yu-Gi-Oh, or Magic, or anything else along those lines. As a matter of fact, when I was teaching I was the sponsor of the Comic Book Club and rule #1 was "NO CARD GAMES." Generally, I leave card gaming people to their own little world. But that particular Sunday, in that Particular comic shop, our worlds collided, and I was not happy.
Why, you ask? Allow me to explain. The first thing about card gaming days in the comic store is that the store smells funny on those days. Yes, I know this sounds cruel, but people who work there can back me up on this. The other thing that struck me as odd, is that I noticed one of the teens playing Yu-Gi-Oh had a tripod with a video camera set up so he could record his Yu-Gi-Oh match......which I later learned would be posted on his facebook page. There was also another teenaged boy (that goes without saying -- they were all teenaged boys) who appeared to be some kind of game moderator or something walking amongst the (2) tables of gaming talking trash to the other players. About Yu-Gi-Oh. Seriously.
Now, here is the part where I started to get annoyed. First off, these guys make all nerds look bad. Through the carefully planned success of four "Revenge of the Nerds" movies, Bill Gates, Harvey Pekar, and the Spider-Man move franchise (OK, just 1 and 2) we've been able to bring about some semblance of respect for nerds. Then these guys come along. Nerds of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains! Only through solidarity will nerd-dom rise above the shackles of preps and jocks. Way to go card dorks, you've set our movement back 20 years.
The other thing that bothered me about this incident, was the sudden memory of what I was doing at their age. When I was a teenager, on Sunday afternoons, I was doing something apparently unheard of to the Yu-Gi-Oh playing denizens of Prairie Dog Comics...I had a JOB! If I wasn't working, I was probably involved in a backyard football game somewhere, or at least watching football somewhere. What I wasn't doing, was sitting inside the comic store, smelling up the joint (once again, this is confirmed by reliable sources), and spending my time declaring the dominance of my nearly unbeatable green deck of magic cards. I try not to get political when I write, but don't you think the economy would benefit from a few teens working part-time jobs. I'm not even going to bother bringing up childhood obesity, though I could, because most of the card playing kids are relatively thin but doughy. Seriously, I don't want to sounds all preachy and stuff, but I can think of about a million other things that teenaged boys could be doing on a Sunday afternoon instead of sitting in the comic store playing Yu-Gi-Oh.
In any case, I left the store as quickly as possible. I called my buddy Hugo, who used to work at the aforementioned comic store, who reminded my that "you never, EVER, go to the store on Sundays" and "at least you don't work there and have to smell the place after they leave." I was pretty relieved to get out of there, to be honest. But then I remembered, someone has to be the Robert Carridine in this scenario and turn the nerds into the heroes they were meant to be. I will be a role model and show these boys the light. I'm just not going to do it on a Sunday. And I'm pretty sure light burns their skin.
I will be the first to admit that I am a nerd, but one thing I have vehemently avoided is playing card games. Aside from a briefs dalliance with Magic, which I swear was a one-time thing and the result of some bad advice from a friend, I don't get into Yu-Gi-Oh, or Magic, or anything else along those lines. As a matter of fact, when I was teaching I was the sponsor of the Comic Book Club and rule #1 was "NO CARD GAMES." Generally, I leave card gaming people to their own little world. But that particular Sunday, in that Particular comic shop, our worlds collided, and I was not happy.
Why, you ask? Allow me to explain. The first thing about card gaming days in the comic store is that the store smells funny on those days. Yes, I know this sounds cruel, but people who work there can back me up on this. The other thing that struck me as odd, is that I noticed one of the teens playing Yu-Gi-Oh had a tripod with a video camera set up so he could record his Yu-Gi-Oh match......which I later learned would be posted on his facebook page. There was also another teenaged boy (that goes without saying -- they were all teenaged boys) who appeared to be some kind of game moderator or something walking amongst the (2) tables of gaming talking trash to the other players. About Yu-Gi-Oh. Seriously.
Now, here is the part where I started to get annoyed. First off, these guys make all nerds look bad. Through the carefully planned success of four "Revenge of the Nerds" movies, Bill Gates, Harvey Pekar, and the Spider-Man move franchise (OK, just 1 and 2) we've been able to bring about some semblance of respect for nerds. Then these guys come along. Nerds of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your chains! Only through solidarity will nerd-dom rise above the shackles of preps and jocks. Way to go card dorks, you've set our movement back 20 years.
The other thing that bothered me about this incident, was the sudden memory of what I was doing at their age. When I was a teenager, on Sunday afternoons, I was doing something apparently unheard of to the Yu-Gi-Oh playing denizens of Prairie Dog Comics...I had a JOB! If I wasn't working, I was probably involved in a backyard football game somewhere, or at least watching football somewhere. What I wasn't doing, was sitting inside the comic store, smelling up the joint (once again, this is confirmed by reliable sources), and spending my time declaring the dominance of my nearly unbeatable green deck of magic cards. I try not to get political when I write, but don't you think the economy would benefit from a few teens working part-time jobs. I'm not even going to bother bringing up childhood obesity, though I could, because most of the card playing kids are relatively thin but doughy. Seriously, I don't want to sounds all preachy and stuff, but I can think of about a million other things that teenaged boys could be doing on a Sunday afternoon instead of sitting in the comic store playing Yu-Gi-Oh.
In any case, I left the store as quickly as possible. I called my buddy Hugo, who used to work at the aforementioned comic store, who reminded my that "you never, EVER, go to the store on Sundays" and "at least you don't work there and have to smell the place after they leave." I was pretty relieved to get out of there, to be honest. But then I remembered, someone has to be the Robert Carridine in this scenario and turn the nerds into the heroes they were meant to be. I will be a role model and show these boys the light. I'm just not going to do it on a Sunday. And I'm pretty sure light burns their skin.
Monday, November 9, 2009
My City, My City, Why Has Thou Forsaken Me?
When I was a senior in high school, the vocal music teacher talked me into being a dancer in the school musical, Oklahoma!. Yes, you read that right, I said a dancer. Before you begin to plan some smarmy comment for the end of this blog, let me remind you that this occurred 20 years and a bout 50 lbs ago and that the music teacher recruited out-of-season athletes (like myself) to be the dancers. So there.
The reason I bring this up is because I was familiar with the famous Rodgers and Hammerstein prior to performing in it. What I knew about the musical really boiled down to it having a song titled "Everything's Up To Date in Kansas City." You remember the tune, "Everything's up to date in Kansas City / It's gone about as far as you can go..." As a young Kansas Citian, I took pride in the fact that someone famous had written a song about my city. And why wouldn't I be? You have to remember that my life is pretty much structured around family, work, sports, and comic books -- in that order. So, in that regard, things looked good, real good. The Royals were perennial contenders to make the World Series, and would eventually win it in 1985. The Chiefs were just a couple years away from Marty-ball and Christian Okoye and legitimacy as powers in the NFL. Even the NBA's Kansas City Kings were a respectable organization. Kansas City looked good.
And then something horrible happened, and things weren't up to date in Kansas City anymore. If you had to make an updated version of Oklahoma! the song might say, "Everything's gone to crap in Kansas City / It's gone about as low as you can go. / The Royals are a laughingstock / The Chiefs just flat-out suck / Event he Wizards don't do very much." It's kind of catchy really....also sadly very true.
I think the fall of sports in Kansas City started when the Kings left for Sacramento. I'd say it started when the NHL's Kansas City scouts left for Colorado, but even the most die-hard hockey fans I know don't realize that the NHL ever had a franchise in Kansas City (but this explains why I cheer for the New Jersey Devils, they are the old Scouts). Truthfully, though, every other sport actually got better when the Scouts left, so I don't think you can blame them. When the Kings left, however, there was hardly a whimper. I remember it as a fairly apathetic response from the City, "Oh our NBA franchise is leaving? OK." I think that's where sports started going south in KC.
News broke this week that the Royals traded Mark Teahen, one of their most consistent performers the past few years, and that they would not re-sign CoCo Crisp. Aside from having a name that just aches for jokes, CoCo seemed to be one of the bright spots for the Royales (with Cheese) at the beginning of the season. His season-ending injury coincided with the club's demise to their perennial spot in the cellar of the weak AL Central. He was brought in for veteran presence, so the management said, so why get rid of him? This is just another in a line of puzzling moves by the Royales. They seem to have no plan to improve their club. The Management actually reminds me of the owner in the first Major League movie, where the showgirl/owner tries to assemble the worst team ever in order to move the team to Florida. Is the Royales' management trying to get the team contracted into oblivion? If they are, they're doing a great job.
Of course, the Royales may actually be in better shape than the Chefs. How do you come off a bye week and look worse than you did before the bye week? Seriously! The Buccaneers came off their bye week with a rookie starting at QB (a questionable rookie at that) and they won! They looked like the worked over the two week stretch. I wish I'd been at Todd Haley's press conference afterwards. I imagine it goes something like this...
Reporter: Coach how did you spend your time during the bye week?
TH: I played some golf, signed another guy no one else wanted, oh, and I had that whole Larry Johnson thing to deal with.
Reporter: But what did you work on with the team?
TH: Ummm...yeah...I knew there was something I didn't do on my list...
In any case, I am trying to believe that the Chefs know what they're doing. I am willing to give them a chance. They did make a step in the right direction with their fans this morning. It's just interesting that no one seemed to see this coming as the team declined the past few years. Don't you think some draft choices could have learned from Willie Roaf or Will Shields for a couple years? See, I could do that job.
Hopefully, the sun will shine on the Kansas City sports world again someday ans things will be up to date once again. But until that day, it will be another long cold winter spent wondering what LSU player the Chefs will take with their first draft pick and which career back-up or aging veteran the Royales will sign as "that one last piece needed to put them over the top." When you think of it, I hope it snows a lot this winter to bury my sorrows.
The reason I bring this up is because I was familiar with the famous Rodgers and Hammerstein prior to performing in it. What I knew about the musical really boiled down to it having a song titled "Everything's Up To Date in Kansas City." You remember the tune, "Everything's up to date in Kansas City / It's gone about as far as you can go..." As a young Kansas Citian, I took pride in the fact that someone famous had written a song about my city. And why wouldn't I be? You have to remember that my life is pretty much structured around family, work, sports, and comic books -- in that order. So, in that regard, things looked good, real good. The Royals were perennial contenders to make the World Series, and would eventually win it in 1985. The Chiefs were just a couple years away from Marty-ball and Christian Okoye and legitimacy as powers in the NFL. Even the NBA's Kansas City Kings were a respectable organization. Kansas City looked good.
And then something horrible happened, and things weren't up to date in Kansas City anymore. If you had to make an updated version of Oklahoma! the song might say, "Everything's gone to crap in Kansas City / It's gone about as low as you can go. / The Royals are a laughingstock / The Chiefs just flat-out suck / Event he Wizards don't do very much." It's kind of catchy really....also sadly very true.
I think the fall of sports in Kansas City started when the Kings left for Sacramento. I'd say it started when the NHL's Kansas City scouts left for Colorado, but even the most die-hard hockey fans I know don't realize that the NHL ever had a franchise in Kansas City (but this explains why I cheer for the New Jersey Devils, they are the old Scouts). Truthfully, though, every other sport actually got better when the Scouts left, so I don't think you can blame them. When the Kings left, however, there was hardly a whimper. I remember it as a fairly apathetic response from the City, "Oh our NBA franchise is leaving? OK." I think that's where sports started going south in KC.
News broke this week that the Royals traded Mark Teahen, one of their most consistent performers the past few years, and that they would not re-sign CoCo Crisp. Aside from having a name that just aches for jokes, CoCo seemed to be one of the bright spots for the Royales (with Cheese) at the beginning of the season. His season-ending injury coincided with the club's demise to their perennial spot in the cellar of the weak AL Central. He was brought in for veteran presence, so the management said, so why get rid of him? This is just another in a line of puzzling moves by the Royales. They seem to have no plan to improve their club. The Management actually reminds me of the owner in the first Major League movie, where the showgirl/owner tries to assemble the worst team ever in order to move the team to Florida. Is the Royales' management trying to get the team contracted into oblivion? If they are, they're doing a great job.
Of course, the Royales may actually be in better shape than the Chefs. How do you come off a bye week and look worse than you did before the bye week? Seriously! The Buccaneers came off their bye week with a rookie starting at QB (a questionable rookie at that) and they won! They looked like the worked over the two week stretch. I wish I'd been at Todd Haley's press conference afterwards. I imagine it goes something like this...
Reporter: Coach how did you spend your time during the bye week?
TH: I played some golf, signed another guy no one else wanted, oh, and I had that whole Larry Johnson thing to deal with.
Reporter: But what did you work on with the team?
TH: Ummm...yeah...I knew there was something I didn't do on my list...
In any case, I am trying to believe that the Chefs know what they're doing. I am willing to give them a chance. They did make a step in the right direction with their fans this morning. It's just interesting that no one seemed to see this coming as the team declined the past few years. Don't you think some draft choices could have learned from Willie Roaf or Will Shields for a couple years? See, I could do that job.
Hopefully, the sun will shine on the Kansas City sports world again someday ans things will be up to date once again. But until that day, it will be another long cold winter spent wondering what LSU player the Chefs will take with their first draft pick and which career back-up or aging veteran the Royales will sign as "that one last piece needed to put them over the top." When you think of it, I hope it snows a lot this winter to bury my sorrows.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The Best Thing I've Read Lately
I like to read. Maybe that's why I ended up majoring in English, because I've always liked to read. I will admit that majoring in English teaches one that while you might like to read, you generally only like reading things you like, and loathe things you find uninteresting -- like The Scarlet Letter. But I digress. I've always liked to read.
As a result, I've read a lot of good books. During my teaching career, I read Lord of the Flies, To Kill A Mockingbird, Of Mice and Men, and Animal Farm more times than I care to remember. I've also read Brave New World, 1984, Fahrenheit 451, The Odyssey, Great Expectations...OK, I didn't actually read Great Expectations, I Cliff's Notes-ed that one. I have a deeply profound dislike of Charles Dickens. But if you went over the list of the "Greatest Novels of All Time," I've read most of them.
I still like to read. I like all sorts of different genres, but mostly I just read for fun. Over Labor Day, I went to a used bookstore and stumbled across Spellsinger by sci-fi/fantasy stud Alan Dean Foster. The Spellsinger series was my favorite series when I was like 14. I was able to track down all six of the books through used bookstores, and by the end of the long weekend had polished off three of them. They're still fun to read 20+ years later.
I bring this up, because I'm always on the lookout for something new to read. I recently gave in and read Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Yes, it's geared towards middle schoolers, but nobody has ever accused me of being smarter (or more mature) than a middle schooler. Loved the book. I even happened to LOL at several points. It was good, but not the best thing I've read recently.
The best things I read are usually reserved for my favorite genre of literature. No, not early American literature, which I only professed to love as a thinly veiled attempt to get a better grade in Dr. Machor's graduate level "American Literature: 1776-1865" class on Tuesday nights. My favorite thing to read is comic books (SURPRISE!) and I read a lot of them....a LOT.
So, without further ado, let me tell you of the best thing I've read recently. It's called The Colorblind Art Teacher and can be found at http://www.mwteel.com. Mark Teel is a friend of mine. A very funny and talented friend. It would be very easy to write this off and say, "Oh, he just likes this comic because his buddy writes and draws it." The truth is, this comic --which is made up of vignettes from Marks life, past and present -- is about my life. And my friend Terry's life. And my friend Dave's life. Not your life, Hugo, but pretty much anyone around my age can relate.
Let me elaborate. The first issue of The Colorblind Art Teacherthat I received dealt with Mark taking his daughter to parent/toddler swim lessons. It was funny. It also reminded me of taking my son, Lukas, to parent/toddler swim lessons. Another vignette (oh, that's fun to say) on the web site tells of Mark getting "revenge" on a guy who annoyed him in high school. Mark, working at Price Chopper, refuses to sell the guy beer because he knows he's under 21. I did the exact same thing once, except I was working at Dillons. There's other examples I could give you, but I don't want to ruin things for anyone. When you get down to it, what I like about The Colorblond Art Teacher is that it reminds me of Harvey Pekar's seminal work American Splendor. It's the simple story of a simple guy leading a simple, quirky, funny life. For the record, Teel is not as dorky as Harvey Pekar (nor as rich). Also for the record, I am a big fan of Harvey Pekar (just in case he happens to read this blog).
So, this is my shameless plug of my buddies comic book. Please go to the website and check it out. I don't think you'll be disappointed. If you happen to be disappointed, don't get mad at me about it...and remember, I'm probably bigger than you. Until next time, excelsior true believers!!!
As a result, I've read a lot of good books. During my teaching career, I read Lord of the Flies, To Kill A Mockingbird, Of Mice and Men, and Animal Farm more times than I care to remember. I've also read Brave New World, 1984, Fahrenheit 451, The Odyssey, Great Expectations...OK, I didn't actually read Great Expectations, I Cliff's Notes-ed that one. I have a deeply profound dislike of Charles Dickens. But if you went over the list of the "Greatest Novels of All Time," I've read most of them.
I still like to read. I like all sorts of different genres, but mostly I just read for fun. Over Labor Day, I went to a used bookstore and stumbled across Spellsinger by sci-fi/fantasy stud Alan Dean Foster. The Spellsinger series was my favorite series when I was like 14. I was able to track down all six of the books through used bookstores, and by the end of the long weekend had polished off three of them. They're still fun to read 20+ years later.
I bring this up, because I'm always on the lookout for something new to read. I recently gave in and read Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Yes, it's geared towards middle schoolers, but nobody has ever accused me of being smarter (or more mature) than a middle schooler. Loved the book. I even happened to LOL at several points. It was good, but not the best thing I've read recently.
The best things I read are usually reserved for my favorite genre of literature. No, not early American literature, which I only professed to love as a thinly veiled attempt to get a better grade in Dr. Machor's graduate level "American Literature: 1776-1865" class on Tuesday nights. My favorite thing to read is comic books (SURPRISE!) and I read a lot of them....a LOT.
So, without further ado, let me tell you of the best thing I've read recently. It's called The Colorblind Art Teacher and can be found at http://www.mwteel.com. Mark Teel is a friend of mine. A very funny and talented friend. It would be very easy to write this off and say, "Oh, he just likes this comic because his buddy writes and draws it." The truth is, this comic --which is made up of vignettes from Marks life, past and present -- is about my life. And my friend Terry's life. And my friend Dave's life. Not your life, Hugo, but pretty much anyone around my age can relate.
Let me elaborate. The first issue of The Colorblind Art Teacherthat I received dealt with Mark taking his daughter to parent/toddler swim lessons. It was funny. It also reminded me of taking my son, Lukas, to parent/toddler swim lessons. Another vignette (oh, that's fun to say) on the web site tells of Mark getting "revenge" on a guy who annoyed him in high school. Mark, working at Price Chopper, refuses to sell the guy beer because he knows he's under 21. I did the exact same thing once, except I was working at Dillons. There's other examples I could give you, but I don't want to ruin things for anyone. When you get down to it, what I like about The Colorblond Art Teacher is that it reminds me of Harvey Pekar's seminal work American Splendor. It's the simple story of a simple guy leading a simple, quirky, funny life. For the record, Teel is not as dorky as Harvey Pekar (nor as rich). Also for the record, I am a big fan of Harvey Pekar (just in case he happens to read this blog).
So, this is my shameless plug of my buddies comic book. Please go to the website and check it out. I don't think you'll be disappointed. If you happen to be disappointed, don't get mad at me about it...and remember, I'm probably bigger than you. Until next time, excelsior true believers!!!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
And Robin Shall Restore Amends...
Ah, yes, whenever I feel I have nothing to say, I just quote Shakespeare and then things begin to happen. And yes, to follow Puck's lead, I am here to restore amends. I've let down my blog. I haven't posted a new one since September 8, shortly after Disney's purchase of Marvel Comics -- a day which may or may not live in geek infamy. I do apologize to all my readers (Sorry Hugo, Sorry Terry, Sorry Mom--that covers everyone), but in my defense I got real busy with work around the beginning of September, and it finally slowed down for about a month now. Hopefully, I'll have some time to write more, and then I'll get in the habit, and then I'll keep my blog updated regularly. I might also point out that during this busy time, I also don't pick up my comics regularly, so I don't have much to write about.
Now, the good news is that while I've been not writing, I've made several important realizations in my life. What follows is a compilation of those very important realizations. I don't want to call them "revelations," because that makes me think of the Book of the Bible where the world ends. And, my thoughts aren't nearly as spiritual or important as, "Hey, guess what? There's going to be a rapture!" So without further ado. . .
Now, the good news is that while I've been not writing, I've made several important realizations in my life. What follows is a compilation of those very important realizations. I don't want to call them "revelations," because that makes me think of the Book of the Bible where the world ends. And, my thoughts aren't nearly as spiritual or important as, "Hey, guess what? There's going to be a rapture!" So without further ado. . .
- Under no uncertain circumstances is it OK to let your dog poop on the sidewalk. Every time I run my dog (this consists of me riding a bike and the dog doing the running), I take the same sidewalk in a residential neighborhood with a large amount of pedestrian sidewalk traffic. I've noticed that every time there is dog poop on the sidewalk. Not like a random piece occasionally, but full on piles, in regular intervals. NOT COOL PEOPLE! Once, my dog pooped in the gutter and I had a conniption fit. It's just disrespectful to dogs like mine who poop in the field across the street.
- While I'm on the topic of things that aren't cool to do in a residential area with a large amount of pedestrian sidewalk traffic...If you live near a pond with ducks, where people like to stop with their kids to feed the ducks, it's not cool to put up signs all over that say "PRIVATE PROPERTY" in order to keep FAMILIES with CHILDREN from enjoying the ducks. It's also not cool for the same person to put fence pickets up on one side of their deck to screen out their neighbors. There's places for people who don't like being around other people, it's called Wyoming.
- As I get older, I realize that there are a lot of things I just can't do anymore. Like the other day, I tried to pop a wheelie on my bike and hop a curb. That was possible when I was 8. Not so much at 38.
- However, it's still possible AND fun, to go really fast on a bike.
- Why is it that every time I share with my parents that one of my kids has done something stupid/annoying/dangerous my dad just laughs?
- There has to be an age at which kids can eat without getting food all over their face. I watched my son eat pudding the other day -- with a spoon -- and half of it ended up split between his face and his shirt. I am seriously afraid to pack pudding in his lunch for fear of what his teacher will think of me when he returns to class with pudding all over his face (and shirt).
- I have a theory that Clorox is owned by the Catholic Church. What other explanation is there for a private school to think white shirts are a good idea for elementary school children to wear every day?
- I also have a theory about the Persian Mafia, but I keep that quiet. The Persian Mafia is everywhere.
- It is physically impossible for me to watch even a trailer of Where the Wild Things Are (the movie) without getting a little choked up. It makes me think of all the times I read that book as a child, and how that was the first book I bought for my son when he was born, and all the times I read it to him. Yep, I am getting choked up just writing this.
- My mom got good news about a book she was shopping around to publishers. I'm excited about this because she's my mom and it's always been her dream to have a novel published. Mostly, though, I am excited because my mom has always said, "When I finally hit it big with my novel, I'll take the whole family to Hawaii or on a cruise." Yes, my mother raised a selfish child. And I will settle for Florida or Cancun.
I can hear my neighbor's dog barking right now, which means Sami, the big yellow dog, is getting it all riled up by bugging it from our side of the fence. That means it's time for me to sign off. I promise to be more regular with my blog posts from here on out. If you have any good ideas, please feel free to share them with me. Until next time...Excelsior, true believers!!!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Don't Make Goofy Angry....You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Angry..
Well, folks, a major tremor shook Geekworld last week when it was announced that Disney was indeed purchasing Marvel. Now, If I had $4billion laying around, the first thing I would do is buy Marvel (actually, I'd try to get them to settle for $3 billion).
To some of us, this wasn't as big a surprise as we'd like to pretend. I've known for months that Marvel was continuing to increase the number of monthly titles it produces. Conversely, DC comics (owned by Time-Warner) was decreasing the number of titles it is producing. You might think that's just capitalism in action, but DC has been routinely topping Marvel in the sales categories lately, and the critics have gushed over DC titles like Blackest Night, while panning or giving lukewarm response to Marvel events like Secret Invasion. So, how can Marvel pull this off? Either they have an a$$ load of money, or they expected to get an a$$load of money. And X-Men: Evolution and Spectacular Spider-Man recently appeared on Disney's XD channel.....from what I hear. I don't watch kiddie channels. I'm a man! I'm 40!
This was an interesting move for many reasons. One of those reasons is not to go to other blogs and forums to see how many people can post "I can't wait to see the Mickey Mouse/Wolverine crossover." That wasn't all that funny the first time someone said it. Know why? because we all thought it. Personally, I want to see a Donald Duck/Howard the Duck crossover. You'd have two ducks, and no pants. Hilaaaaaaaarious!
But seriously, There's some reasons to be concerned about this new Disney/Marvel amalgamation. The first, and most obvious, is the concern that this might "pussify" the upcoming Marvel movies, as someone put it on Facebook. I certainly hope not. Actually, the Marvel movies -- aside from Punisher -- aren't THAT violent. I have no qualms taking my son to see them, and he's six. I do, however, have major qualms of taking my son to see things like The Dark Knight or Watchmen (though he absolutely LOVED V for Vendetta, and totally saw how it was a satire of the Bush administration, not just a cool comic movie). The other thing to remember is that Disney also owns Miramax and Touchstone, two production companies that routinely turn out R rated movies. Heck, if I remember correctly, Miramax did "Pulp Fiction," and I always thought that movie would have been cooler if John Travolta had had the proportionate strength of a human-sized spider. However, I am concerned about the future of the impending Avengers-related movies.
If Disney is smart, which they generally are, they'll leave Marvel alone and let Marvel do their thing. The exciting aspect of this business move is that Marvel suddenly has the money and the technology of Disney backing their already awesome movies. Furthermore, Pixar had announced it wants to do a Marvel based film. How cool would it be to see Pixar do Devil Dinosaur and Moon Boy? That sounds good to me. And, if luck holds out, we'll finally get to see the Mickey Mouse/Wolverine crossover everyone is hoping for.
To some of us, this wasn't as big a surprise as we'd like to pretend. I've known for months that Marvel was continuing to increase the number of monthly titles it produces. Conversely, DC comics (owned by Time-Warner) was decreasing the number of titles it is producing. You might think that's just capitalism in action, but DC has been routinely topping Marvel in the sales categories lately, and the critics have gushed over DC titles like Blackest Night, while panning or giving lukewarm response to Marvel events like Secret Invasion. So, how can Marvel pull this off? Either they have an a$$ load of money, or they expected to get an a$$load of money. And X-Men: Evolution and Spectacular Spider-Man recently appeared on Disney's XD channel.....from what I hear. I don't watch kiddie channels. I'm a man! I'm 40!
This was an interesting move for many reasons. One of those reasons is not to go to other blogs and forums to see how many people can post "I can't wait to see the Mickey Mouse/Wolverine crossover." That wasn't all that funny the first time someone said it. Know why? because we all thought it. Personally, I want to see a Donald Duck/Howard the Duck crossover. You'd have two ducks, and no pants. Hilaaaaaaaarious!
But seriously, There's some reasons to be concerned about this new Disney/Marvel amalgamation. The first, and most obvious, is the concern that this might "pussify" the upcoming Marvel movies, as someone put it on Facebook. I certainly hope not. Actually, the Marvel movies -- aside from Punisher -- aren't THAT violent. I have no qualms taking my son to see them, and he's six. I do, however, have major qualms of taking my son to see things like The Dark Knight or Watchmen (though he absolutely LOVED V for Vendetta, and totally saw how it was a satire of the Bush administration, not just a cool comic movie). The other thing to remember is that Disney also owns Miramax and Touchstone, two production companies that routinely turn out R rated movies. Heck, if I remember correctly, Miramax did "Pulp Fiction," and I always thought that movie would have been cooler if John Travolta had had the proportionate strength of a human-sized spider. However, I am concerned about the future of the impending Avengers-related movies.
If Disney is smart, which they generally are, they'll leave Marvel alone and let Marvel do their thing. The exciting aspect of this business move is that Marvel suddenly has the money and the technology of Disney backing their already awesome movies. Furthermore, Pixar had announced it wants to do a Marvel based film. How cool would it be to see Pixar do Devil Dinosaur and Moon Boy? That sounds good to me. And, if luck holds out, we'll finally get to see the Mickey Mouse/Wolverine crossover everyone is hoping for.
Friday, August 21, 2009
One Minute Movie Reviews
I've been behind on my One Minute Movie Reviews, so it's time to get caught up. here we go...
Obsessed
My wife was all excited when this showed up as our first Netflix for the week. I was skeptical but gave it a try. I watched about half an hour, and thought, "Really, Beyonce? You can't just stick to singing and dancing? Your acting hasn't improved since you were bad in Goldmember" So Iwent and walked the dog. I got back just in time for the thrilling conclusion, which I predicted before the movie even started. If Idris Elba hadn't been so good on The Office, I wouldn't have watched that much of it. Really, Beyonce? Can't Jay-Z just keep you at home? Please?
Rachel Getting Married
Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and thought, "Wow, I wish that was my life!" If so, don't watch this movie. If they have an Oscar for most depressing movie, this is your winner folks. I remember watching Ordinary People in high school, and thinking it was the most depressing thing ever. This makes Ordinary People look like Wow Wow Wubbzy. The only surprise was that none of the characters killed themself. . .because I kind of wanted to after watching this movie. I held out hope that I'd get to see Anne Hathaway naked, but no. Damnit.
Van Wilder: Freshman Year
It's now time to officially ban my wife from the Netflix queue. I don't even know where this movie came from! Anyway, you know how they take a good movie, then make a straight to DVD sequel that has the same characters, but with different actors, and then those actors try real hard to be like the original actor (in this case Ryan Reynolds) but they just look ridiculous and sucky while doing it? Yeah, that's this movie in a nutshell. This made the original Van Wilder look like Schindler's List or maybe Shakespeare in Love by comparison -- and don't forget that that movie had Tara Reid in it! So who's worse than Tara Reid? Kristin Cavalari from "The OC." There is one scene where some guys get tricked into smearing dog crap on their faces. When they opened the canister, I'm pretty sure it said Van Wilder: Freshman Year on the container. Turns out it actually said, American Pie: Band Camp. When will these people ever learn....the reason the original stars don't want to make a sequel is because the movie sucks.
Well that last one took more than a minute, but, seriously, it was bad. Until next time...
Excelsior, True Believers!
Obsessed
My wife was all excited when this showed up as our first Netflix for the week. I was skeptical but gave it a try. I watched about half an hour, and thought, "Really, Beyonce? You can't just stick to singing and dancing? Your acting hasn't improved since you were bad in Goldmember" So Iwent and walked the dog. I got back just in time for the thrilling conclusion, which I predicted before the movie even started. If Idris Elba hadn't been so good on The Office, I wouldn't have watched that much of it. Really, Beyonce? Can't Jay-Z just keep you at home? Please?
Rachel Getting Married
Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and thought, "Wow, I wish that was my life!" If so, don't watch this movie. If they have an Oscar for most depressing movie, this is your winner folks. I remember watching Ordinary People in high school, and thinking it was the most depressing thing ever. This makes Ordinary People look like Wow Wow Wubbzy. The only surprise
Van Wilder: Freshman Year
It's now time to officially ban my wife from the Netflix queue. I don't even know where this movie came from! Anyway, you know how they take a good movie, then make a straight to DVD sequel that has the same characters, but with different actors, and then those actors try real hard to be like the original actor (in this case Ryan Reynolds) but they just look ridiculous and sucky while doing it? Yeah, that's this movie in a nutshell. This made the original Van Wilder look like Schindler's List or maybe Shakespeare in Love by comparison -- and don't forget that that movie had Tara Reid in it! So who's worse than Tara Reid? Kristin Cavalari from "The OC." There is one scene
Well that last one took more than a minute, but, seriously, it was bad. Until next time...
Excelsior, True Believers!
Monday, August 17, 2009
The Secret Life of Geeks
Those of you who know me (which is everyone who reads this as far as I know) know I am a geek. I am proud of being a geek. Most people, however, have no idea what makes a geek tick. In my world, what makes me tick is comic books. Therefore, I am part of the geek subspecies known as a comic book geek. In addition to me, the comic book geek subspecies also sports a species named Homo sapiens hugophanus. There's a lot of us around, but we're rather secretive. The reason for this being that it's not cool to stand up the first day of school in 19th grade and announce, "I collect comic books." Homo sapiens hugophanus, however, does occasionally blurt out comic book related items and other random things. In order to help you understand the geek side of things, I have decided to give you a peek inside my brain.
The following is a transcript based in the interior monologue I was having when I was frantically looking for a copy of Green Lantern (vol. 4) #28 because I had just read a tasty bit of info about it on the DC Comics message boards. This is, to the best of my knowledge, hand to God, what was going through my brain as I searched for a single comic that was somewhere in my collection of roughly 4000.
The following is a transcript based in the interior monologue I was having when I was frantically looking for a copy of Green Lantern (vol. 4) #28 because I had just read a tasty bit of info about it on the DC Comics message boards. This is, to the best of my knowledge, hand to God, what was going through my brain as I searched for a single comic that was somewhere in my collection of roughly 4000.
- Where is that comic? I bet it's in this box here. Let's see ... here's 27....29...30. What the hell!?!?!
- OK, let's check this box. I'll check these over here. Let's check this bag...hmmm here's the recent stuff...
- Oooo...Agent Orange story. I have to read that again.
- Here's a bunch of the Dark Reign comics from Marvel. I'm going to have to give Marvel some props for this in a blog. It's kind of a good story line.
- No Green Lantern. . . Let's check over here.
- OK. This has all the GLs from 21- 26. This is starting to get me pissed now.
- I wonder how the GL movie will be....I better get to be Kilowog.
- Ah, there's Final Crisis. I need to find all those and read them at once and see if they make sense....No, I don't think I want to do that.
Yeah, it still seems to suck. - Here's Marvel's Secret Invasion...now I remember why I don't give them any props.
- Marvel Secret War...God, Marvel sucks sometimes
- Who would win in a fight between Brian Michael Bendis and Geoff Johns?
- Does Bendis write EVERY Marvel title now? He was so good on Daredevil, but I don't much care for Bendis these days.
- You don't care for Bendis?
- Not at all. He does this dialogue thing.
- He does a dialogue thing?
- Yes, he takes a piece of dialogue and then has another character repeat the same thing as a question.
- They repeat it as a question?
- Yes exactly...ha, ha, I never get tired of that. I wonder if I still have that web site saved
- It's all true though, Bendis does do that. He also makes Spider-Man say things like "oy vey." That is so out of character.....It's out of character?....stop that Brain!!!
- I'm going to re-read the Sinestro Corps War tonight and see if it has any little clues for Blackest Night
F ME!!! Where is that comic!?!?!? - I think I'll read The Crow TPB instead of the comic I'm looking for...
- No, I can't stop looking for this. I'm becoming obsessed.....this is why people make fun of comic geeks.
- I need to bag and board most of these....ah, X-Men box. I love you, X-Men box.
- Where the hell is that comic!!!
Oh, here it is...damnit.
So there, you have it. A peek into the mind of a hardcore comic book geek. As it turns out, I only needed that comic to read one page. And it didn't really shed any light on things the way I thought it would.
I will try to get more blogs done this week, in order to catch up. I know I have been a blog slacker lately. Until next time....Excelsior, true believers!!!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
In Brightest Day, in Blackest Night...
WARNING: This blog contains large amounts of comic related topics and fanboy geekiness that some readers may find obsessive.
One of the first comics that I ever bought was Marvel Secret Wars #2. I remember that I picked it up in an airport, but I don’t remember where. I found it breathtaking. As a matter of fact, the entire 12 issue mini-series was the coolest thing I had ever seen up to that point (please remember that I was 12 at that time). When I look back at it, that series wasn’t that great. It basically was Earth’s greatest heroes battling Earth’s mightiest villains (and Galactus – who’s not of Earth). It wasn’t intellectual stuff, just cool fight scenes and some important plot twists. When you get down to it, the most important thing that came from Secret Wars was the black Spider-Man suit that eventually evolved into Venom.
I bring this up because every year, it seems, the Big Two (that’s Marvel and DC to you newbs) roll out a major event that is supposed to shake up their respective universe and change characters radically. Lately, it seems that these big events either get bogged down with their own self-importance (I’m looking at you Secret Invasion) or leave you with more questions than answers (now I’m looking at you Final Crisis) Well, people, I’m happy to say, that I have found a comics event that just might live up to all the hype – Blackest Night.
No, I’m not talking about a sequel to the Martin Lawrence film, Black Knight, it’s DC’s big event starring the Green Lantern Corps. It just happens to be written by my newest object of obsessive affection, Geoff Johns. What I find slick about this event series, is that Johns planted the seeds for this back in December of ’04 when DC released Green Lantern: Rebirth. The result, thus far, is nothing short of genius. “But how can you make that proclamation after just one issue?” you’re asking yourself. I’ll tell you, it’s because the ongoing Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps titles have been building up to this for ooohh about five years.
I’m not going to go into a lot of detail about the background, etc. because most of you reading this are comic book geeks. But the addition of the new Lanterns who compliment/offset the Green Lanterns fascinates me. I’ll admit, I didn’t really start to understand that concept until the Star Sapphires appeared in the core Green Lantern series about a year ago. And while Geoff Johns has given rings to all the ROYGBIV colors of the spectrum, the one that has drawn the most interest is the new Black Lanterns. See, each color represents a emotional trait (more or less), with the colors correlating to one another – Green is willpower, and is offset by Yellow, which is fear. Violet and Indigo are love and compassion respectively, and Red is rage (see how this works). Well, the black is different. The black rings have the power to re-animate the dead. And the re-animated dead have a propensity for ripping living people’s hearts out.
So far, confirmed Black Lanterns are Martian Manhunter, Aquaman, Kal-L (Earth 2 Superman), and Ralph and Sue Dibny. The last two are by far the most frightening. Ralph and Sue are the most endearing couple in the DC Universe, in some circles more so than Clark Kent/Kal-El and Lois Lane (and Jimmy Olsen – ménage). Seeing their zombified bodies drop both Hawkman and Hawkgirl with hardly any effort, frankly, scared the hell out of me. It was creepy. And to make this more interesting, the undead Black Lanterns retain the powers they had before their death. When Flash and Hal Jordan take on a Black Martian Manhunter, he tells them, “Don’t forget, I’m just as powerful as Superman,” it is extra creepy. Seeing the usually calm, benevolent Jonn Jonn’z trying to decapitate his former teammates would give anyone the willies. Each hero that gets killed has the potential to come back from the dead. And lest we forget, didn’t Bruce Wayne die during the aforementioned Final Crisis? So what do we make of the desecrated grave of Bruce Wayne in issue #1? Will he surface wearing a black ring, or is Bruce Wayne still alive somewhere? The possibilities are endless.
I’m excited about this event. For the first time since Peter Parker tore off his mask in Civil War #2, I want to read more. Hopefully, unlike Civil War, I’ll feel this way two months from now. The potential of this series in the hands of a master craftsman like Geoff Johns is seriously off the charts. There are questions and speculation running rampant – just check out the dccomics.com message boards (cheap corporate sellout). And here’s something to ponder….The absence of all the colors of the spectrum creates black. The combination of all of them creates white light. So, while Scar, the demented little Guardian of the Universe with the messed up face has been puking black stuff all over the place, Ganthet and his girlfriend are holed up on the blue lantern home world. Did I mention that every time they are shown, they’re both wearing white robes? Hmmmmm…
I know I often have people poke fun at me because I'm an adult and I read comic books. But if ever there was a chance for a writer to bring legitimacy to the superhero comic, this is it. Geoff Johns, everything you touch turns into gold, my friend. I wonder if he'd want to start a bromance with me?
Until next blog....Excelsior, true believers!!!
One of the first comics that I ever bought was Marvel Secret Wars #2. I remember that I picked it up in an airport, but I don’t remember where. I found it breathtaking. As a matter of fact, the entire 12 issue mini-series was the coolest thing I had ever seen up to that point (please remember that I was 12 at that time). When I look back at it, that series wasn’t that great. It basically was Earth’s greatest heroes battling Earth’s mightiest villains (and Galactus – who’s not of Earth). It wasn’t intellectual stuff, just cool fight scenes and some important plot twists. When you get down to it, the most important thing that came from Secret Wars was the black Spider-Man suit that eventually evolved into Venom.
I bring this up because every year, it seems, the Big Two (that’s Marvel and DC to you newbs) roll out a major event that is supposed to shake up their respective universe and change characters radically. Lately, it seems that these big events either get bogged down with their own self-importance (I’m looking at you Secret Invasion) or leave you with more questions than answers (now I’m looking at you Final Crisis) Well, people, I’m happy to say, that I have found a comics event that just might live up to all the hype – Blackest Night.
No, I’m not talking about a sequel to the Martin Lawrence film, Black Knight, it’s DC’s big event starring the Green Lantern Corps. It just happens to be written by my newest object of obsessive affection, Geoff Johns. What I find slick about this event series, is that Johns planted the seeds for this back in December of ’04 when DC released Green Lantern: Rebirth. The result, thus far, is nothing short of genius. “But how can you make that proclamation after just one issue?” you’re asking yourself. I’ll tell you, it’s because the ongoing Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps titles have been building up to this for ooohh about five years.
I’m not going to go into a lot of detail about the background, etc. because most of you reading this are comic book geeks. But the addition of the new Lanterns who compliment/offset the Green Lanterns fascinates me. I’ll admit, I didn’t really start to understand that concept until the Star Sapphires appeared in the core Green Lantern series about a year ago. And while Geoff Johns has given rings to all the ROYGBIV colors of the spectrum, the one that has drawn the most interest is the new Black Lanterns. See, each color represents a emotional trait (more or less), with the colors correlating to one another – Green is willpower, and is offset by Yellow, which is fear. Violet and Indigo are love and compassion respectively, and Red is rage (see how this works). Well, the black is different. The black rings have the power to re-animate the dead. And the re-animated dead have a propensity for ripping living people’s hearts out.
So far, confirmed Black Lanterns are Martian Manhunter, Aquaman, Kal-L (Earth 2 Superman), and Ralph and Sue Dibny. The last two are by far the most frightening. Ralph and Sue are the most endearing couple in the DC Universe, in some circles more so than Clark Kent/Kal-El and Lois Lane (and Jimmy Olsen – ménage). Seeing their zombified bodies drop both Hawkman and Hawkgirl with hardly any effort, frankly, scared the hell out of me. It was creepy. And to make this more interesting, the undead Black Lanterns retain the powers they had before their death. When Flash and Hal Jordan take on a Black Martian Manhunter, he tells them, “Don’t forget, I’m just as powerful as Superman,” it is extra creepy. Seeing the usually calm, benevolent Jonn Jonn’z trying to decapitate his former teammates would give anyone the willies. Each hero that gets killed has the potential to come back from the dead. And lest we forget, didn’t Bruce Wayne die during the aforementioned Final Crisis? So what do we make of the desecrated grave of Bruce Wayne in issue #1? Will he surface wearing a black ring, or is Bruce Wayne still alive somewhere? The possibilities are endless.
I’m excited about this event. For the first time since Peter Parker tore off his mask in Civil War #2, I want to read more. Hopefully, unlike Civil War, I’ll feel this way two months from now. The potential of this series in the hands of a master craftsman like Geoff Johns is seriously off the charts. There are questions and speculation running rampant – just check out the dccomics.com message boards (cheap corporate sellout). And here’s something to ponder….The absence of all the colors of the spectrum creates black. The combination of all of them creates white light. So, while Scar, the demented little Guardian of the Universe with the messed up face has been puking black stuff all over the place, Ganthet and his girlfriend are holed up on the blue lantern home world. Did I mention that every time they are shown, they’re both wearing white robes? Hmmmmm…
I know I often have people poke fun at me because I'm an adult and I read comic books. But if ever there was a chance for a writer to bring legitimacy to the superhero comic, this is it. Geoff Johns, everything you touch turns into gold, my friend. I wonder if he'd want to start a bromance with me?
Until next blog....Excelsior, true believers!!!
Monday, July 27, 2009
ONE MINUTE MOVIE REVIEW -- Blonde Ambition
You know what I liked about Employee of the Month? The fact that Jessica Simpson didn't have to talk too much. In this movie, she's expected to carry the load of the film on her shoulders. Unfortunately, not even the combined powers of romantic comedy god Luke Wilson or perpetually aged stoner guy Willie Nelson can save her. The best part was the last 10 minutes or so. Jessica, you need to stick to singing...or maybe not. And don't let your dad procude anymore movies. I can't get over how unintersting and predictable this movie was. What a waste of beauty (and I mean Luke Wilson)
Sunday, July 19, 2009
An Open Letter to Hollywood
Dear Hollywood,
Lately, there has been a slew of superhero movies that have been hugely successful. Since you, above all else, follow every successful trend, you now have a slew of new superhero movies in the works. I just heard last week that, after years of speculation, there is finally going to be a Green Lantern movie. I'll admit, I was shocked when Ryan Reynolds was announced as the lead role. Didn't he already star in two Marvel movies? Do you not realize that crossing company lines like that is a heinous, despicable act that is only carried out by the most scurvy demons from the depths of Hell (and Jeph Loeb)? But I will give Ryan -- and you, Hollywood -- a break on this. Mainly because I think he will be good. I was still holding out hope that he'd get to be the Flash, but ever since David Goyer left that project, I haven't been very optimistic. Personally, I would have gone for that dream boat, John Hamm, from TV"s "Mad Men," but I'm sure you made the right call in casting your superhero...
OR DID YOU???
Hollywood, I have a beef with you about some of the people you haven't cast in roles for superhero movies. Actually, I have a beef with you because you haven't cast ME in any of your superhero movies. Sure, I'm not a trained actor, and I haven't had any formal training, and I haven't actually been in any dramatic production since I played a dancer in the musical "Oklahoma!" in 1989, but I'm good. Real good. If you don't believe me, ask someone about my reading of "Of Mice and Men." Malkovich stole that character from me.
When you first announced that you were making a Hulk movie, I waited patiently by the phone for weeks awaiting my call. Nothing. Not even a role as a stunt double. When you announced you'd be making a Fantastic Four movie, I realized that you must have been saving me for the role of The Thing. Nope. You cast The Commish. Surely, I thought, I'd get my chance as Marv in Sin City. Once again, passed over -- this time in favor of a fat Mickey Rourke. Well, then word was leaked the X-Men III would have the Beast in it. Ah, here was my chance. I wouldn't even need fake fur, just blue spray paint. No, that went to Frasier. And then to add insult to injury, Niles got to be in Hellboy. And again, new Hulk movie, same result. Oh, Hollywood, you are a cruel harlot mistress, you are.
You're probably asking yourself, "Why is he bringing up the pas? We can't change that." No, you can't, but you can rectify these wrongs. I refer you back to the first paragraph of this letter. Hollywood, you are making a Green Lantern movie. I am telling you now, and openly for all to read -- I WANT TO BE KILOWOG!!!
If you, once again, do not cast me in a role I was meant to fulfill, I have no other choice but to ban myself from watching any superhero movies for a period lasting no more than one day.
Thank you, and tell Ryan Reynolds I am looking forward to working with him.
Lately, there has been a slew of superhero movies that have been hugely successful. Since you, above all else, follow every successful trend, you now have a slew of new superhero movies in the works. I just heard last week that, after years of speculation, there is finally going to be a Green Lantern movie. I'll admit, I was shocked when Ryan Reynolds was announced as the lead role. Didn't he already star in two Marvel movies? Do you not realize that crossing company lines like that is a heinous, despicable act that is only carried out by the most scurvy demons from the depths of Hell (and Jeph Loeb)? But I will give Ryan -- and you, Hollywood -- a break on this. Mainly because I think he will be good. I was still holding out hope that he'd get to be the Flash, but ever since David Goyer left that project, I haven't been very optimistic. Personally, I would have gone for that dream boat, John Hamm, from TV"s "Mad Men," but I'm sure you made the right call in casting your superhero...
OR DID YOU???
Hollywood, I have a beef with you about some of the people you haven't cast in roles for superhero movies. Actually, I have a beef with you because you haven't cast ME in any of your superhero movies. Sure, I'm not a trained actor, and I haven't had any formal training, and I haven't actually been in any dramatic production since I played a dancer in the musical "Oklahoma!" in 1989, but I'm good. Real good. If you don't believe me, ask someone about my reading of "Of Mice and Men." Malkovich stole that character from me.
When you first announced that you were making a Hulk movie, I waited patiently by the phone for weeks awaiting my call. Nothing. Not even a role as a stunt double. When you announced you'd be making a Fantastic Four movie, I realized that you must have been saving me for the role of The Thing. Nope. You cast The Commish. Surely, I thought, I'd get my chance as Marv in Sin City. Once again, passed over -- this time in favor of a fat Mickey Rourke. Well, then word was leaked the X-Men III would have the Beast in it. Ah, here was my chance. I wouldn't even need fake fur, just blue spray paint. No, that went to Frasier. And then to add insult to injury, Niles got to be in Hellboy. And again, new Hulk movie, same result. Oh, Hollywood, you are a cruel harlot mistress, you are.
You're probably asking yourself, "Why is he bringing up the pas? We can't change that." No, you can't, but you can rectify these wrongs. I refer you back to the first paragraph of this letter. Hollywood, you are making a Green Lantern movie. I am telling you now, and openly for all to read -- I WANT TO BE KILOWOG!!!
If you, once again, do not cast me in a role I was meant to fulfill, I have no other choice but to ban myself from watching any superhero movies for a period lasting no more than one day.
Thank you, and tell Ryan Reynolds I am looking forward to working with him.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
One Minute Movie Reviews 7/14/09
Time to get caught up on One Minute Movie Reviews!!!
New in Town
After watching this movie, I was left with an overwhelming sense of "eh." As in "Eh, I've pretty much seen this before." There were some moments, and I generally liked Harry Connick, Jr.'s performance. But I tend to do that, because he puts on a great concert. Renee Zellwegger was rather underwhelming. The supporting cast, esepcially the highly underrated JK Simmons was the one thing that kept my interest throughout the film. Overall, the plot is pretty standard "fish out of water" romantic comedy fare. My mother-in-law said this was, "a five star movie." I give it a hearty 3.5 "Ehs"
Over Her Dead Body
I can write this review in one minute, because that's about how long I watched the movie. Now don't get your undies in a wad...after a few minutes, my wife said, "I've already seen this movie." So we turned it off. That's when I watched Man-Thing. Good trade.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
I thought this would follow the 40 -Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up as being a raunchy laugh fest/romantic comedy. I was pleasantly surprised to find out I was wrong. I learned three things from this movie.
1. Russell Brand is hilarious -- America just hasn't caught on yet
2. Mila Kunis is highly underrated for her hottness
3. Jason Segel is really pretty good -- and he wrote the script!
I found this movie to be funny and entertaining. Great peripheral characters as well. Paul Rudd is particularly good (as always). Highly recommended!
New in Town
After watching this movie, I was left with an overwhelming sense of "eh." As in "Eh, I've pretty much seen this before." There were some moments, and I generally liked Harry Connick, Jr.'s performance. But I tend to do that, because he puts on a great concert. Renee Zellwegger was rather underwhelming. The supporting cast, esepcially the highly underrated JK Simmons was the one thing that kept my interest throughout the film. Overall, the plot is pretty standard "fish out of water" romantic comedy fare. My mother-in-law said this was, "a five star movie." I give it a hearty 3.5 "Ehs"
Over Her Dead Body
I can write this review in one minute, because that's about how long I watched the movie. Now don't get your undies in a wad...after a few minutes, my wife said, "I've already seen this movie." So we turned it off. That's when I watched Man-Thing. Good trade.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
I thought this would follow the 40 -Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up as being a raunchy laugh fest/romantic comedy. I was pleasantly surprised to find out I was wrong. I learned three things from this movie.
1. Russell Brand is hilarious -- America just hasn't caught on yet
2. Mila Kunis is highly underrated for her hottness
3. Jason Segel is really pretty good -- and he wrote the script!
I found this movie to be funny and entertaining. Great peripheral characters as well. Paul Rudd is particularly good (as always). Highly recommended!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
ONE MINUTE MOVIE REVIEW: Man-Thing
One of my favorite things to do is watch movies. The Wife and I belong to Netflix, so we get two or three movies a week int he mail that we get to watch. We also put our membership to Family Video to good use by renting things from there fairly regularly as well. I also go to the movies sometimes, especially when something that is comic book oriented comes out. In short, I love movies.
But what is the One Minute Movie Review?
I probably stole that name from somewhere, and if it's you, I apologize. On my Facebook page, I started writing One Minute Movie Reviews of movies I saw on DVD or in the theater. The concept is that when I sit down to write my review, I put myself on a clock and write the entire review in roughly one minute. This one is obviously taking more than a minute, because it's more than just the movie review. I decided on the format, because when I read newspaper movie critics, I always feel like they want the reader to know they (the critic) is smarter than you (the reader). My reviews are short, concise, and from the heart. No artsy fartsy discussions of symbolism or cinematography, just whether I liked the movie or not, and why. Simple.
So, now on to today's review of.....
Man-Thing
Shame on you Marvel Comics! Shame! If ever there was a Marvel character who could use a boost from a good movie, it's Man-Thing. In the comics, he's a green mass who shuffles around protecting the Nexus of All Realities from evil doers. In the movie, he shuffles around the Nexus of All Realities, and kills everyone -- bad and good alike. There is a plot, it's just kind of stupid. It also shows us that not all Floridians are yuppies from Miami and Boca -- some are brain dead rednecks who shoot people for money! I rented it for a dollar, just to see how bad it was. I was not disappointed.
But what is the One Minute Movie Review?
I probably stole that name from somewhere, and if it's you, I apologize. On my Facebook page, I started writing One Minute Movie Reviews of movies I saw on DVD or in the theater. The concept is that when I sit down to write my review, I put myself on a clock and write the entire review in roughly one minute. This one is obviously taking more than a minute, because it's more than just the movie review. I decided on the format, because when I read newspaper movie critics, I always feel like they want the reader to know they (the critic) is smarter than you (the reader). My reviews are short, concise, and from the heart. No artsy fartsy discussions of symbolism or cinematography, just whether I liked the movie or not, and why. Simple.
So, now on to today's review of.....
Man-Thing
Shame on you Marvel Comics! Shame! If ever there was a Marvel character who could use a boost from a good movie, it's Man-Thing. In the comics, he's a green mass who shuffles around protecting the Nexus of All Realities from evil doers. In the movie, he shuffles around the Nexus of All Realities, and kills everyone -- bad and good alike. There is a plot, it's just kind of stupid. It also shows us that not all Floridians are yuppies from Miami and Boca -- some are brain dead rednecks who shoot people for money! I rented it for a dollar, just to see how bad it was. I was not disappointed.
My First Blog (by Fisher Price)
Well, folks, here it is...my first blog! I decided to begin a blog, because there was a lot of stuff I'd like to say, but not enough room on Facebook to do it. In addition, two of my friends have blogs, so I just wanted to keep up with the Joneses (though neither of said friends are named Jones). For those of you who aren't completely familiar with me, my life revolves around a few simple things -- my family, movies/TV, comic books, fine literature, video games, and sports. Yes, I know the last one sounds like a bit of an anomaly, but I really am a nerd who also happens to be a huge sports fan. Some people who know me may try to discredit that statement by pointing out that my favorite sport is soccer, which is often considered "not a real sport" in America. Well, the rest of the world says soccer is OK, so I stand beside my sportiness.
You might notice that I have yet to mention my job. That is because I will not be blogging about my job. There's two reasons for that:
1. Blogging about my current job would be unprofessional.
2. I love my current job, therefore I want to keep it, and would be seriously pissed if I lost it over some comment I made in a blog post after several pints of Guinness.
I probably also won't blog too much about my family, unless it's something funny. I happen to love my family, even more than my job, so I don't want to lose that either. Or piss them off (especially my wife).
So, if you're looking for an overview of what I'll be doing here, I'll sum it up with one word -- entertaining. I hope that I can regularly come up with an entertaining and possibly humorous blog. And occasionally, I might even try to be thought provoking. And for those of you who are Facebook friends, fear not, the One Minute Movie Review will continue here on this blog.
So, until my next post, excelsior, True Believers!
You might notice that I have yet to mention my job. That is because I will not be blogging about my job. There's two reasons for that:
1. Blogging about my current job would be unprofessional.
2. I love my current job, therefore I want to keep it, and would be seriously pissed if I lost it over some comment I made in a blog post after several pints of Guinness.
I probably also won't blog too much about my family, unless it's something funny. I happen to love my family, even more than my job, so I don't want to lose that either. Or piss them off (especially my wife).
So, if you're looking for an overview of what I'll be doing here, I'll sum it up with one word -- entertaining. I hope that I can regularly come up with an entertaining and possibly humorous blog. And occasionally, I might even try to be thought provoking. And for those of you who are Facebook friends, fear not, the One Minute Movie Review will continue here on this blog.
So, until my next post, excelsior, True Believers!
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