One Minute Movie Reviews

I've been behind on my One Minute Movie Reviews, so it's time to get caught up. here we go...

Obsessed
My wife was all excited when this showed up as our first Netflix for the week. I was skeptical but gave it a try. I watched about half an hour, and thought, "Really, Beyonce? You can't just stick to singing and dancing? Your acting hasn't improved since you were bad in Goldmember" So Iwent and walked the dog. I got back just in time for the thrilling conclusion, which I predicted before the movie even started. If Idris Elba hadn't been so good on The Office, I wouldn't have watched that much of it. Really, Beyonce? Can't Jay-Z just keep you at home? Please?

Rachel Getting Married
Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and thought, "Wow, I wish that was my life!" If so, don't watch this movie. If they have an Oscar for most depressing movie, this is your winner folks. I remember watching Ordinary People in high school, and thinking it was the most depressing thing ever. This makes Ordinary People look like Wow Wow Wubbzy. The only surprise was that none of the characters killed themself. . .because I kind of wanted to after watching this movie. I held out hope that I'd get to see Anne Hathaway naked, but no. Damnit.

Van Wilder: Freshman Year
It's now time to officially ban my wife from the Netflix queue. I don't even know where this movie came from! Anyway, you know how they take a good movie, then make a straight to DVD sequel that has the same characters, but with different actors, and then those actors try real hard to be like the original actor (in this case Ryan Reynolds) but they just look ridiculous and sucky while doing it? Yeah, that's this movie in a nutshell. This made the original Van Wilder look like Schindler's List or maybe Shakespeare in Love by comparison -- and don't forget that that movie had Tara Reid in it! So who's worse than Tara Reid? Kristin Cavalari from "The OC." There is one scene where some guys get tricked into smearing dog crap on their faces. When they opened the canister, I'm pretty sure it said Van Wilder: Freshman Year on the container. Turns out it actually said, American Pie: Band Camp. When will these people ever learn....the reason the original stars don't want to make a sequel is because the movie sucks.

Well that last one took more than a minute, but, seriously, it was bad. Until next time...
Excelsior, True Believers!