In Brightest Day, in Blackest Night...

WARNING: This blog contains large amounts of comic related topics and fanboy geekiness that some readers may find obsessive.


One of the first comics that I ever bought was Marvel Secret Wars #2. I remember that I picked it up in an airport, but I don’t remember where. I found it breathtaking. As a matter of fact, the entire 12 issue mini-series was the coolest thing I had ever seen up to that point (please remember that I was 12 at that time). When I look back at it, that series wasn’t that great. It basically was Earth’s greatest heroes battling Earth’s mightiest villains (and Galactus – who’s not of Earth). It wasn’t intellectual stuff, just cool fight scenes and some important plot twists. When you get down to it, the most important thing that came from Secret Wars was the black Spider-Man suit that eventually evolved into Venom.

I bring this up because every year, it seems, the Big Two (that’s Marvel and DC to you newbs) roll out a major event that is supposed to shake up their respective universe and change characters radically. Lately, it seems that these big events either get bogged down with their own self-importance (I’m looking at you Secret Invasion) or leave you with more questions than answers (now I’m looking at you Final Crisis) Well, people, I’m happy to say, that I have found a comics event that just might live up to all the hype – Blackest Night.

No, I’m not talking about a sequel to the Martin Lawrence film, Black Knight, it’s DC’s big event starring the Green Lantern Corps. It just happens to be written by my newest object of obsessive affection, Geoff Johns. What I find slick about this event series, is that Johns planted the seeds for this back in December of ’04 when DC released Green Lantern: Rebirth. The result, thus far, is nothing short of genius. “But how can you make that proclamation after just one issue?” you’re asking yourself. I’ll tell you, it’s because the ongoing Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps titles have been building up to this for ooohh about five years.
I’m not going to go into a lot of detail about the background, etc. because most of you reading this are comic book geeks. But the addition of the new Lanterns who compliment/offset the Green Lanterns fascinates me. I’ll admit, I didn’t really start to understand that concept until the Star Sapphires appeared in the core Green Lantern series about a year ago. And while Geoff Johns has given rings to all the ROYGBIV colors of the spectrum, the one that has drawn the most interest is the new Black Lanterns. See, each color represents a emotional trait (more or less), with the colors correlating to one another – Green is willpower, and is offset by Yellow, which is fear. Violet and Indigo are love and compassion respectively, and Red is rage (see how this works). Well, the black is different. The black rings have the power to re-animate the dead. And the re-animated dead have a propensity for ripping living people’s hearts out.

So far, confirmed Black Lanterns are Martian Manhunter, Aquaman, Kal-L (Earth 2 Superman), and Ralph and Sue Dibny. The last two are by far the most frightening. Ralph and Sue are the most endearing couple in the DC Universe, in some circles more so than Clark Kent/Kal-El and Lois Lane (and Jimmy Olsen – ménage). Seeing their zombified bodies drop both Hawkman and Hawkgirl with hardly any effort, frankly, scared the hell out of me. It was creepy. And to make this more interesting, the undead Black Lanterns retain the powers they had before their death. When Flash and Hal Jordan take on a Black Martian Manhunter, he tells them, “Don’t forget, I’m just as powerful as Superman,” it is extra creepy. Seeing the usually calm, benevolent Jonn Jonn’z trying to decapitate his former teammates would give anyone the willies. Each hero that gets killed has the potential to come back from the dead. And lest we forget, didn’t Bruce Wayne die during the aforementioned Final Crisis? So what do we make of the desecrated grave of Bruce Wayne in issue #1? Will he surface wearing a black ring, or is Bruce Wayne still alive somewhere? The possibilities are endless.

I’m excited about this event. For the first time since Peter Parker tore off his mask in Civil War #2, I want to read more. Hopefully, unlike Civil War, I’ll feel this way two months from now. The potential of this series in the hands of a master craftsman like Geoff Johns is seriously off the charts. There are questions and speculation running rampant – just check out the dccomics.com message boards (cheap corporate sellout). And here’s something to ponder….The absence of all the colors of the spectrum creates black. The combination of all of them creates white light. So, while Scar, the demented little Guardian of the Universe with the messed up face has been puking black stuff all over the place, Ganthet and his girlfriend are holed up on the blue lantern home world. Did I mention that every time they are shown, they’re both wearing white robes? Hmmmmm…

I know I often have people poke fun at me because I'm an adult and I read comic books. But if ever there was a chance for a writer to bring legitimacy to the superhero comic, this is it. Geoff Johns, everything you touch turns into gold, my friend. I wonder if he'd want to start a bromance with me?

Until next blog....Excelsior, true believers!!!

ONE MINUTE MOVIE REVIEW -- Blonde Ambition

You know what I liked about Employee of the Month? The fact that Jessica Simpson didn't have to talk too much. In this movie, she's expected to carry the load of the film on her shoulders. Unfortunately, not even the combined powers of romantic comedy god Luke Wilson or perpetually aged stoner guy Willie Nelson can save her. The best part was the last 10 minutes or so. Jessica, you need to stick to singing...or maybe not. And don't let your dad procude anymore movies. I can't get over how unintersting and predictable this movie was. What a waste of beauty (and I mean Luke Wilson)

An Open Letter to Hollywood

Dear Hollywood,

Lately, there has been a slew of superhero movies that have been hugely successful. Since you, above all else, follow every successful trend, you now have a slew of new superhero movies in the works. I just heard last week that, after years of speculation, there is finally going to be a Green Lantern movie. I'll admit, I was shocked when Ryan Reynolds was announced as the lead role. Didn't he already star in two Marvel movies? Do you not realize that crossing company lines like that is a heinous, despicable act that is only carried out by the most scurvy demons from the depths of Hell (and Jeph Loeb)? But I will give Ryan -- and you, Hollywood -- a break on this. Mainly because I think he will be good. I was still holding out hope that he'd get to be the Flash, but ever since David Goyer left that project, I haven't been very optimistic. Personally, I would have gone for that dream boat, John Hamm, from TV"s "Mad Men," but I'm sure you made the right call in casting your superhero...

OR DID YOU???

Hollywood, I have a beef with you about some of the people you haven't cast in roles for superhero movies. Actually, I have a beef with you because you haven't cast ME in any of your superhero movies. Sure, I'm not a trained actor, and I haven't had any formal training, and I haven't actually been in any dramatic production since I played a dancer in the musical "Oklahoma!" in 1989, but I'm good. Real good. If you don't believe me, ask someone about my reading of "Of Mice and Men." Malkovich stole that character from me.

When you first announced that you were making a Hulk movie, I waited patiently by the phone for weeks awaiting my call. Nothing. Not even a role as a stunt double. When you announced you'd be making a Fantastic Four movie, I realized that you must have been saving me for the role of The Thing. Nope. You cast The Commish. Surely, I thought, I'd get my chance as Marv in Sin City. Once again, passed over -- this time in favor of a fat Mickey Rourke. Well, then word was leaked the X-Men III would have the Beast in it. Ah, here was my chance. I wouldn't even need fake fur, just blue spray paint. No, that went to Frasier. And then to add insult to injury, Niles got to be in Hellboy. And again, new Hulk movie, same result. Oh, Hollywood, you are a cruel harlot mistress, you are.

You're probably asking yourself, "Why is he bringing up the pas? We can't change that." No, you can't, but you can rectify these wrongs. I refer you back to the first paragraph of this letter. Hollywood, you are making a Green Lantern movie. I am telling you now, and openly for all to read -- I WANT TO BE KILOWOG!!!

If you, once again, do not cast me in a role I was meant to fulfill, I have no other choice but to ban myself from watching any superhero movies for a period lasting no more than one day.

Thank you, and tell Ryan Reynolds I am looking forward to working with him.

One Minute Movie Reviews 7/14/09

Time to get caught up on One Minute Movie Reviews!!!

New in Town
After watching this movie, I was left with an overwhelming sense of "eh." As in "Eh, I've pretty much seen this before." There were some moments, and I generally liked Harry Connick, Jr.'s performance. But I tend to do that, because he puts on a great concert. Renee Zellwegger was rather underwhelming. The supporting cast, esepcially the highly underrated JK Simmons was the one thing that kept my interest throughout the film. Overall, the plot is pretty standard "fish out of water" romantic comedy fare. My mother-in-law said this was, "a five star movie." I give it a hearty 3.5 "Ehs"

Over Her Dead Body
I can write this review in one minute, because that's about how long I watched the movie. Now don't get your undies in a wad...after a few minutes, my wife said, "I've already seen this movie." So we turned it off. That's when I watched Man-Thing. Good trade.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
I thought this would follow the 40 -Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up as being a raunchy laugh fest/romantic comedy. I was pleasantly surprised to find out I was wrong. I learned three things from this movie.
1. Russell Brand is hilarious -- America just hasn't caught on yet
2. Mila Kunis is highly underrated for her hottness
3. Jason Segel is really pretty good -- and he wrote the script!
I found this movie to be funny and entertaining. Great peripheral characters as well. Paul Rudd is particularly good (as always). Highly recommended!

ONE MINUTE MOVIE REVIEW: Man-Thing

One of my favorite things to do is watch movies. The Wife and I belong to Netflix, so we get two or three movies a week int he mail that we get to watch. We also put our membership to Family Video to good use by renting things from there fairly regularly as well. I also go to the movies sometimes, especially when something that is comic book oriented comes out. In short, I love movies.

But what is the One Minute Movie Review?
I probably stole that name from somewhere, and if it's you, I apologize. On my Facebook page, I started writing One Minute Movie Reviews of movies I saw on DVD or in the theater. The concept is that when I sit down to write my review, I put myself on a clock and write the entire review in roughly one minute. This one is obviously taking more than a minute, because it's more than just the movie review. I decided on the format, because when I read newspaper movie critics, I always feel like they want the reader to know they (the critic) is smarter than you (the reader). My reviews are short, concise, and from the heart. No artsy fartsy discussions of symbolism or cinematography, just whether I liked the movie or not, and why. Simple.

So, now on to today's review of.....

Man-Thing
Shame on you Marvel Comics! Shame! If ever there was a Marvel character who could use a boost from a good movie, it's Man-Thing. In the comics, he's a green mass who shuffles around protecting the Nexus of All Realities from evil doers. In the movie, he shuffles around the Nexus of All Realities, and kills everyone -- bad and good alike. There is a plot, it's just kind of stupid. It also shows us that not all Floridians are yuppies from Miami and Boca -- some are brain dead rednecks who shoot people for money! I rented it for a dollar, just to see how bad it was. I was not disappointed.

My First Blog (by Fisher Price)

Well, folks, here it is...my first blog! I decided to begin a blog, because there was a lot of stuff I'd like to say, but not enough room on Facebook to do it. In addition, two of my friends have blogs, so I just wanted to keep up with the Joneses (though neither of said friends are named Jones). For those of you who aren't completely familiar with me, my life revolves around a few simple things -- my family, movies/TV, comic books, fine literature, video games, and sports. Yes, I know the last one sounds like a bit of an anomaly, but I really am a nerd who also happens to be a huge sports fan. Some people who know me may try to discredit that statement by pointing out that my favorite sport is soccer, which is often considered "not a real sport" in America. Well, the rest of the world says soccer is OK, so I stand beside my sportiness.

You might notice that I have yet to mention my job. That is because I will not be blogging about my job. There's two reasons for that:

1. Blogging about my current job would be unprofessional.
2. I love my current job, therefore I want to keep it, and would be seriously pissed if I lost it over some comment I made in a blog post after several pints of Guinness.

I probably also won't blog too much about my family, unless it's something funny. I happen to love my family, even more than my job, so I don't want to lose that either. Or piss them off (especially my wife).

So, if you're looking for an overview of what I'll be doing here, I'll sum it up with one word -- entertaining. I hope that I can regularly come up with an entertaining and possibly humorous blog. And occasionally, I might even try to be thought provoking. And for those of you who are Facebook friends, fear not, the One Minute Movie Review will continue here on this blog.

So, until my next post, excelsior, True Believers!