The Best Thing I've Read Lately

I like to read. Maybe that's why I ended up majoring in English, because I've always liked to read. I will admit that majoring in English teaches one that while you might like to read, you generally only like reading things you like, and loathe things you find uninteresting -- like The Scarlet Letter. But I digress. I've always liked to read.
As a result, I've read a lot of good books. During my teaching career, I read Lord of the Flies, To Kill A Mockingbird, Of Mice and Men, and Animal Farm more times than I care to remember. I've also read Brave New World, 1984, Fahrenheit 451, The Odyssey, Great Expectations...OK, I didn't actually read Great Expectations, I Cliff's Notes-ed that one. I have a deeply profound dislike of Charles Dickens. But if you went over the list of the "Greatest Novels of All Time," I've read most of them.
I still like to read. I like all sorts of different genres, but mostly I just read for fun. Over Labor Day, I went to a used bookstore and stumbled across Spellsinger by sci-fi/fantasy stud Alan Dean Foster. The Spellsinger series was my favorite series when I was like 14. I was able to track down all six of the books through used bookstores, and by the end of the long weekend had polished off three of them. They're still fun to read 20+ years later.
I bring this up, because I'm always on the lookout for something new to read. I recently gave in and read Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Yes, it's geared towards middle schoolers, but nobody has ever accused me of being smarter (or more mature) than a middle schooler. Loved the book. I even happened to LOL at several points. It was good, but not the best thing I've read recently.
The best things I read are usually reserved for my favorite genre of literature. No, not early American literature, which I only professed to love as a thinly veiled attempt to get a better grade in Dr. Machor's graduate level "American Literature: 1776-1865" class on Tuesday nights. My favorite thing to read is comic books (SURPRISE!) and I read a lot of them....a LOT.
So, without further ado, let me tell you of the best thing I've read recently. It's called The Colorblind Art Teacher and can be found at http://www.mwteel.com. Mark Teel is a friend of mine. A very funny and talented friend. It would be very easy to write this off and say, "Oh, he just likes this comic because his buddy writes and draws it." The truth is, this comic --which is made up of vignettes from Marks life, past and present -- is about my life. And my friend Terry's life. And my friend Dave's life. Not your life, Hugo, but pretty much anyone around my age can relate.
Let me elaborate. The first issue of The Colorblind Art Teacherthat I received dealt with Mark taking his daughter to parent/toddler swim lessons. It was funny. It also reminded me of taking my son, Lukas, to parent/toddler swim lessons. Another vignette (oh, that's fun to say) on the web site tells of Mark getting "revenge" on a guy who annoyed him in high school. Mark, working at Price Chopper, refuses to sell the guy beer because he knows he's under 21. I did the exact same thing once, except I was working at Dillons. There's other examples I could give you, but I don't want to ruin things for anyone. When you get down to it, what I like about The Colorblond Art Teacher is that it reminds me of Harvey Pekar's seminal work American Splendor. It's the simple story of a simple guy leading a simple, quirky, funny life. For the record, Teel is not as dorky as Harvey Pekar (nor as rich). Also for the record, I am a big fan of Harvey Pekar (just in case he happens to read this blog).
So, this is my shameless plug of my buddies comic book. Please go to the website and check it out. I don't think you'll be disappointed. If you happen to be disappointed, don't get mad at me about it...and remember, I'm probably bigger than you. Until next time, excelsior true believers!!!

And Robin Shall Restore Amends...

Ah, yes, whenever I feel I have nothing to say, I just quote Shakespeare and then things begin to happen. And yes, to follow Puck's lead, I am here to restore amends. I've let down my blog. I haven't posted a new one since September 8, shortly after Disney's purchase of Marvel Comics -- a day which may or may not live in geek infamy. I do apologize to all my readers (Sorry Hugo, Sorry Terry, Sorry Mom--that covers everyone), but in my defense I got real busy with work around the beginning of September, and it finally slowed down for about a month now. Hopefully, I'll have some time to write more, and then I'll get in the habit, and then I'll keep my blog updated regularly. I might also point out that during this busy time, I also don't pick up my comics regularly, so I don't have much to write about.

Now, the good news is that while I've been not writing, I've made several important realizations in my life. What follows is a compilation of those very important realizations. I don't want to call them "revelations," because that makes me think of the Book of the Bible where the world ends. And, my thoughts aren't nearly as spiritual or important as, "Hey, guess what? There's going to be a rapture!" So without further ado. . .

• Under no uncertain circumstances is it OK to let your dog poop on the sidewalk. Every time I run my dog (this consists of me riding a bike and the dog doing the running), I take the same sidewalk in a residential neighborhood with a large amount of pedestrian sidewalk traffic. I've noticed that every time there is dog poop on the sidewalk. Not like a random piece occasionally, but full on piles, in regular intervals. NOT COOL PEOPLE! Once, my dog pooped in the gutter and I had a conniption fit. It's just disrespectful to dogs like mine who poop in the field across the street.
• While I'm on the topic of things that aren't cool to do in a residential area with a large amount of pedestrian sidewalk traffic...If you live near a pond with ducks, where people like to stop with their kids to feed the ducks, it's not cool to put up signs all over that say "PRIVATE PROPERTY" in order to keep FAMILIES with CHILDREN from enjoying the ducks. It's also not cool for the same person to put fence pickets up on one side of their deck to screen out their neighbors. There's places for people who don't like being around other people, it's called Wyoming.
• As I get older, I realize that there are a lot of things I just can't do anymore. Like the other day, I tried to pop a wheelie on my bike and hop a curb. That was possible when I was 8. Not so much at 38.
• However, it's still possible AND fun, to go really fast on a bike.
• Why is it that every time I share with my parents that one of my kids has done something stupid/annoying/dangerous my dad just laughs?
• There has to be an age at which kids can eat without getting food all over their face. I watched my son eat pudding the other day -- with a spoon -- and half of it ended up split between his face and his shirt. I am seriously afraid to pack pudding in his lunch for fear of what his teacher will think of me when he returns to class with pudding all over his face (and shirt).
• I have a theory that Clorox is owned by the Catholic Church. What other explanation is there for a private school to think white shirts are a good idea for elementary school children to wear every day?
• I also have a theory about the Persian Mafia, but I keep that quiet. The Persian Mafia is everywhere.
• It is physically impossible for me to watch even a trailer of Where the Wild Things Are (the movie) without getting a little choked up. It makes me think of all the times I read that book as a child, and how that was the first book I bought for my son when he was born, and all the times I read it to him. Yep, I am getting choked up just writing this.
• My mom got good news about a book she was shopping around to publishers. I'm excited about this because she's my mom and it's always been her dream to have a novel published. Mostly, though, I am excited because my mom has always said, "When I finally hit it big with my novel, I'll take the whole family to Hawaii or on a cruise." Yes, my mother raised a selfish child. And I will settle for Florida or Cancun.

I can hear my neighbor's dog barking right now, which means Sami, the big yellow dog, is getting it all riled up by bugging it from our side of the fence. That means it's time for me to sign off. I promise to be more regular with my blog posts from here on out. If you have any good ideas, please feel free to share them with me. Until next time...Excelsior, true believers!!!

Don't Make Goofy Angry....You Wouldn't Like Him When He's Angry..

Well, folks, a major tremor shook Geekworld last week when it was announced that Disney was indeed purchasing Marvel. Now, If I had $4billion laying around, the first thing I would do is buy Marvel (actually, I'd try to get them to settle for $3 billion).

To some of us, this wasn't as big a surprise as we'd like to pretend. I've known for months that Marvel was continuing to increase the number of monthly titles it produces. Conversely, DC comics (owned by Time-Warner) was decreasing the number of titles it is producing. You might think that's just capitalism in action, but DC has been routinely topping Marvel in the sales categories lately, and the critics have gushed over DC titles like Blackest Night, while panning or giving lukewarm response to Marvel events like Secret Invasion. So, how can Marvel pull this off? Either they have an a$$ load of money, or they expected to get an a$$load of money. And X-Men: Evolution and Spectacular Spider-Man recently appeared on Disney's XD channel.....from what I hear. I don't watch kiddie channels. I'm a man! I'm 40!

This was an interesting move for many reasons. One of those reasons is not to go to other blogs and forums to see how many people can post "I can't wait to see the Mickey Mouse/Wolverine crossover." That wasn't all that funny the first time someone said it. Know why? because we all thought it. Personally, I want to see a Donald Duck/Howard the Duck crossover. You'd have two ducks, and no pants. Hilaaaaaaaarious!

But seriously, There's some reasons to be concerned about this new Disney/Marvel amalgamation. The first, and most obvious, is the concern that this might "pussify" the upcoming Marvel movies, as someone put it on Facebook. I certainly hope not. Actually, the Marvel movies -- aside from Punisher -- aren't THAT violent. I have no qualms taking my son to see them, and he's six. I do, however, have major qualms of taking my son to see things like The Dark Knight or Watchmen (though he absolutely LOVED V for Vendetta, and totally saw how it was a satire of the Bush administration, not just a cool comic movie). The other thing to remember is that Disney also owns Miramax and Touchstone, two production companies that routinely turn out R rated movies. Heck, if I remember correctly, Miramax did "Pulp Fiction," and I always thought that movie would have been cooler if John Travolta had had the proportionate strength of a human-sized spider. However, I am concerned about the future of the impending Avengers-related movies.

If Disney is smart, which they generally are, they'll leave Marvel alone and let Marvel do their thing. The exciting aspect of this business move is that Marvel suddenly has the money and the technology of Disney backing their already awesome movies. Furthermore, Pixar had announced it wants to do a Marvel based film. How cool would it be to see Pixar do Devil Dinosaur and Moon Boy? That sounds good to me. And, if luck holds out, we'll finally get to see the Mickey Mouse/Wolverine crossover everyone is hoping for.

Don'.

Don'.

One Minute Movie Reviews

I've been behind on my One Minute Movie Reviews, so it's time to get caught up. here we go...

Obsessed
My wife was all excited when this showed up as our first Netflix for the week. I was skeptical but gave it a try. I watched about half an hour, and thought, "Really, Beyonce? You can't just stick to singing and dancing? Your acting hasn't improved since you were bad in Goldmember" So Iwent and walked the dog. I got back just in time for the thrilling conclusion, which I predicted before the movie even started. If Idris Elba hadn't been so good on The Office, I wouldn't have watched that much of it. Really, Beyonce? Can't Jay-Z just keep you at home? Please?

Rachel Getting Married
Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and thought, "Wow, I wish that was my life!" If so, don't watch this movie. If they have an Oscar for most depressing movie, this is your winner folks. I remember watching Ordinary People in high school, and thinking it was the most depressing thing ever. This makes Ordinary People look like Wow Wow Wubbzy. The only surprise was that none of the characters killed themself. . .because I kind of wanted to after watching this movie. I held out hope that I'd get to see Anne Hathaway naked, but no. Damnit.

Van Wilder: Freshman Year
It's now time to officially ban my wife from the Netflix queue. I don't even know where this movie came from! Anyway, you know how they take a good movie, then make a straight to DVD sequel that has the same characters, but with different actors, and then those actors try real hard to be like the original actor (in this case Ryan Reynolds) but they just look ridiculous and sucky while doing it? Yeah, that's this movie in a nutshell. This made the original Van Wilder look like Schindler's List or maybe Shakespeare in Love by comparison -- and don't forget that that movie had Tara Reid in it! So who's worse than Tara Reid? Kristin Cavalari from "The OC." There is one scene where some guys get tricked into smearing dog crap on their faces. When they opened the canister, I'm pretty sure it said Van Wilder: Freshman Year on the container. Turns out it actually said, American Pie: Band Camp. When will these people ever learn....the reason the original stars don't want to make a sequel is because the movie sucks.

Well that last one took more than a minute, but, seriously, it was bad. Until next time...
Excelsior, True Believers!

The Secret Life of Geeks

Those of you who know me (which is everyone who reads this as far as I know) know I am a geek. I am proud of being a geek. Most people, however, have no idea what makes a geek tick. In my world, what makes me tick is comic books. Therefore, I am part of the geek subspecies known as a comic book geek. In addition to me, the comic book geek subspecies also sports a species named Homo sapiens hugophanus. There's a lot of us around, but we're rather secretive. The reason for this being that it's not cool to stand up the first day of school in 19th grade and announce, "I collect comic books." Homo sapiens hugophanus, however, does occasionally blurt out comic book related items and other random things. In order to help you understand the geek side of things, I have decided to give you a peek inside my brain.

The following is a transcript based in the interior monologue I was having when I was frantically looking for a copy of Green Lantern (vol. 4) #28 because I had just read a tasty bit of info about it on the DC Comics message boards. This is, to the best of my knowledge, hand to God, what was going through my brain as I searched for a single comic that was somewhere in my collection of roughly 4000.

• Where is that comic? I bet it's in this box here. Let's see ... here's 27....29...30. What the hell!?!?!
• OK, let's check this box. I'll check these over here. Let's check this bag...hmmm here's the recent stuff...
• Oooo...Agent Orange story. I have to read that again.
• Here's a bunch of the Dark Reign comics from Marvel. I'm going to have to give Marvel some props for this in a blog. It's kind of a good story line.
• No Green Lantern. . . Let's check over here.
• OK. This has all the GLs from 21- 26. This is starting to get me pissed now.
• I wonder how the GL movie will be....I better get to be Kilowog.
• Ah, there's Final Crisis. I need to find all those and read them at once and see if they make sense....No, I don't think I want to do that. Yeah, it still seems to suck.
• Here's Marvel's Secret Invasion...now I remember why I don't give them any props.
• Marvel Secret War...God, Marvel sucks sometimes
• Who would win in a fight between Brian Michael Bendis and Geoff Johns?
• Does Bendis write EVERY Marvel title now? He was so good on Daredevil, but I don't much care for Bendis these days.
• You don't care for Bendis?
• Not at all. He does this dialogue thing.
• He does a dialogue thing?
• Yes, he takes a piece of dialogue and then has another character repeat the same thing as a question.
• They repeat it as a question?
• Yes exactly...ha, ha, I never get tired of that. I wonder if I still have that web site saved
• It's all true though, Bendis does do that. He also makes Spider-Man say things like "oy vey." That is so out of character.....It's out of character?....stop that Brain!!!
• I'm going to re-read the Sinestro Corps War tonight and see if it has any little clues for Blackest Night
• F ME!!! Where is that comic!?!?!?
• I think I'll read The Crow TPB instead of the comic I'm looking for...
• No, I can't stop looking for this. I'm becoming obsessed.....this is why people make fun of comic geeks.
• I need to bag and board most of these....ah, X-Men box. I love you, X-Men box.
• Where the hell is that comic!!!
• Oh, here it is...damnit.

So there, you have it. A peek into the mind of a hardcore comic book geek. As it turns out, I only needed that comic to read one page. And it didn't really shed any light on things the way I thought it would.

I will try to get more blogs done this week, in order to catch up. I know I have been a blog slacker lately. Until next time....Excelsior, true believers!!!