Do You Believe in Magic?

Well, I'm back. Finally. After spending a ridiculous amount of time watching the 2010 World Cup and having a new baby and starting back to work with new and more duties, I've finally worked it into my schedule to start writing again. Even though I haven't been writing, I have been reading my friend Terry's blog in which he's detailed his time living with The Teel (who just happens to have his own kick-ass blog/web comic thingy). It's good, and when I felt the need to make a smart Alec comment on his blog, he told me I needed to start writing again. That coupled with a follow up comment by former roommate/Used Paint member, Chris, made me realize I needed to sit down and write something.

You see, the problem with writing a blog is that you have to have something to write about. I refuse to blog about my job, and since it takes up about 85% of my life right now, it leaves me short on things. I've written about my roommates a couple times already, but believe me, there's more to come on that topic. But, then a revelation came. . . in the form of my local comic book store. I went in yesterday, and found my inspiration...Magic Mondays!

I love comic books. I love my local comic book store. I love going to said comic book store to by said comics. As stated previously in a blog, I despise card games. What I learned yesterday is that Monday is Magic Monday, where the Magic: The Gathering people come to play cards. Until like midnight. I kid you not. And, if you didn't know, the comic store closes at 8:00 PM.

If I had my way, I'd march into the comic book store and declare loudly (and proudly), "You have comics, and you have cards, and never the twain shall meet." I don't know if that really makes sense, but how many times do you get the chance to work the phrase "never the twain shall meet" into a conversation? Especially if that conversation in no way relates to Mark Twain. You see, I want a comic book store that reminds me of Central Perk on "Friends," complete with a set of leather couches and Jennifer Aniston. People could flock from all over the west part of Wichita to sit around and talk about comic nerd stuff. You can't do that if you have a bunch of card geeks sitting there scaring normal customers off -- or at least making them feel uncomfortable.

But I digress. ("Never the twain" + "But I digress" = awesome blog thingy!). I despise card nerds for one very simple reason. I used to teach high school. When Magic first came out, it was kind of an underground phenomenon that only the best nerds knew of and played. I was introduced to it by a friend of mine, who we shall call Andy, because that's his name, and he taught me how to play. I had a killer green deck then, and I crushed many adversaries. Then I got a job at a suburban high school and learned that this Magic thing was spinning out of control. Kids played it before school, during lunch, after school, on band trips (presumably). They fiddled with their cards during class. They talked about nothing but Magic all the time. Kids began to use teachers, asking them if they could stay and get help in order to get a pass for the late bus. Then they'd ask for help on one question and run off to play Magic with their friend(s) who had also duped a teacher. They didn't stay to play cards at the school because they had nowhere else to go, they stayed and played cards at school because they'd wasted all their money on cards instead of saving up to by a crappy car like the rest of the teenage world!!!

I did get to put one over on the card players, thanks to one unfortunate student in a 10th grade English class. The following excerpt is 100% rue -- hand to God.

It came to pass that Mr. Clamons found a Magic card in the hallway. It was Tree Elves to be specific. What fascinated me about this card is that it stated very clearly that the holder of this card could only be harmed by creatures with flying. So the card was tucked away for safe keeping until 5th hour class when I had a particularly loud, obnoxious, disruptive force that happened to be one of the biggest Magic purveyors in the school.

As he began to talk, and interrupt, and disrupt, I pulled forth my Tree Elves card and held it out to him. he looked at it and asked, "What's that?"

"It's Tree Elves," I said matter-of-factly, "And I'm using it to make you be quiet."

"What? I have a 100 cards more powerful that that one!" my adversary boasted.

"Maybe so," I retorted, "but I'm not playing it against your deck, I'm playing it against you."

"What?"

"I'm playing my card against you. It clearly states that he holder of this card can only be harmed by creatures with flying. Do you have flying?"

"But...but..." the boy spluttered

"Do you have flying? No? Well then I win, and you have to be quiet for the rest of the hour. And I'm going to keep this card here at the podium for all following days."

He was quiet for the rest of the class period. And much better behaved for the rest of the semester.

Seeing the Magic Mondays crew yesterday reminded me of those carefree days. It also reminded me that Monday should join Sunday on the list of Days I Shall Never Go to the Comic Store. At least I could sleep well last night knowing that none of the players was recording his/her duel to upload to Facebook (see previous blog post). . . and that I still have my killer green deck. And it would destroy everyone in the comic store. Including Wil Wheaton.