Most of the time, I advise people to let things go. I can hold a grudge as well as the next person, but I also recognize the fact that sometimes it's best to just let it be, not to re-hash old negative memories, or bring up grievous wrongs from years ago. It's just not healthy to do this. You have to admit, it's sound advice. And it generally works -- unless you happen to have a roommate that still owes you $81.80 in bills he never paid.
In Manhattan, KS there is a magical place known affectionately as 1215 Bertrand St. Apt. #4. This three-level, four-bedroom, two-bath townhouse is part of an apartment complex that sits on the eastern edge of the Kansas State University campus. The "apartment" was awesome. The location was awesome. And at $700 a month split four ways, the rent was more than awesome. My sister moved in there in 1986. When she moved out three years later, my brother moved in. Three years later, I moved in for one year with my brother and then lived there for several more years with a variety of roommates. If you do the math, I'm pretty sure that my parents own that place.
When I finally got my chance to be the Lord of 1215 Bertrand #4 Manor, I set about trying to find some roommates who would uphold the tradition of general awesomeness. I immediately locked down the aforementioned future members of Used Paint, Chris and Roommate Tad. We had worked together at Dillons for years, knew each other well, and they were easy to get along with. Chris was already at KSU and had lived in the dorm his first year. Tad was transferring to KSU from JCCC. We had plans for bacchanals, shenanigans, and general tomfoolery that would make Animal House Jealous (sidebar: we had a habit of telling people that the town house was our frat house. We were in Sigma Omega Beta -- think it through). We had nothing to look forward to but a spectacular year.
The problem was that we had a four bedroom place, but only three roommates. A friend of a friend was brought aboard, but when I moved some stuff in during July, I found a note that he had changed his mind and was moving back home. So we went into panic mode. Finally Roommate Tad informed us that he thought we had a roommate. It was someone he worked with who was also transferring to KSU from JCCC. We met briefly. He agreed to move in. Crisis averted!!! Everything was good...or so we thought.
Before I go much further, I will admit that since we were still pretty immature at this point in time, Chris and I took to calling our fourth roomie Binky, because he bore more than a slight resemblance to the Binky the Rabbit character in Matt Groenig's "Life is Hell" comic strip (see exhibit A at the beginning of this post). Yeah, it wasn't very nice. But neither was living with Binky. Henceforth, for the remainder of this blog, Roommate #4 will be referred to as Binky.
When Binky moved in, it wasn't bad. He had a computer, which was a pretty big deal in 1993. He had Leisure Suit Larry on the computer. He had a VCR, which we did not have to go with the TV Roommate Tad had brought. There were lots of positives to having Binky around. Then we learned that he had no intentions whatsoever of sharing any of these goodies with us.
As a matter of fact, one of the first things he did was to put a lock on his bedroom door. A keyed lock so he could lock up his bedroom door every weekend when he went home to "see his girlfriend" who we all knew was dating someone else. It was mildly humorous to sit and listen to him talk about said "girlfriend" while Roommate Tad stood behind him shaking his head sadly, revealing the truth to the rest of us. He never shared any of his cool stuff. I won't mention how he didn't share the VCR, because it still makes me angry. It also makes Chris angry, and I'm pretty sure if I could find him, Roommate Tad is also still angry. We did get treated to a demonstration of Leisure Suit Larry on the computer once, because at some point you could do something to make a 16-bit image of a woman take her top off. It was lame, even back then.
In addition to being selfish with his things, Binky was also a bit of a slob. His room smelled funny. I'm pretty sure he smelled funny, too, and he was more of a slob than your typical college guy room. He had a tendency to leave his stuff lying around. Like his open mail. Not a big deal really, until you leave the notice from the bank stating that you bounced a check at the Quik-E-Mart for the amount of one pack of cigarettes. He also smoked, which he thought we didn't know, but could smell. We could also see it, since he sat by the window in his room and blew the smoke outside.And if that wasn't bad enough, he was lazy. We would often come home to find him laying on the couch, sleeping, with his jacket over his head. It was seriously bizarre.
The apex of life with Binky though came towards the end of his stay at 1215 Bertrand #4. We had stylishly decorated our swingin' pad with a Kilian's red poster and a BatBoy cover from The Weekly World News. Bills had been paid the previous week, and since all the utilities were in my name, I had given everyone their bills for what they owed for the month. It came out to a grand total of $81.80 for everyone. The only person to not pay me promptly was Binky. One night while I was either working or at my girlfriend's, or both, the rest of the boys went to Wal-Mart. While there, Binky complained to Chris and Roommate Tad about me getting n him about paying bills. After all, didn't I understand that he was low on money? That maybe he couldn't afford to pay the $81.80 right then? Binky promptly bought himself an air pistol A nice air pistol. He then promptly brought it home and shot it at the BatBoy picture on the wall. That promptly left about a hundred holes in our sheet rock wall. Needless to say, I was pissed. The only communication I had with Binky for the remaining three weeks or so he lived there was to tell him to pay me my $81.80. He avoided me like the plague. Probably because I'm sure there were some not-so-vague threats made about beating the money he owed me out of him. I can be fairly intimidating when I want.
In the end, he moved out after one semester with promises of mailing me what he owed me. It never happened. My anger was soothed some by the fact that none of us were really sad to see him go. But I can say in all honesty that after 17 years, I still want my $81.80. And a new BatBoy poster.
Wow, you are just a blogging fool lately, my friend! Keep it up! I remember going to a Halloween Party at your place on Bertrand and you were dressed like the Church Lady. Dave and I went as old men, which wasn't that much of a stretch for us.
ReplyDeleteYour story also reminded me of the time I loaned a hot girl in the dorms a tape she wanted to borrow. At the end of the semester, I asked for it back, but she said she had "accidentally" packed it with her stuff. She asked for my address so she could mail it to me over the summer. I gave it to her, but I never saw the tape again. Bitch.