One Minute Movie Reviews

I've been behind on my One Minute Movie Reviews, so it's time to get caught up. here we go...

Obsessed
My wife was all excited when this showed up as our first Netflix for the week. I was skeptical but gave it a try. I watched about half an hour, and thought, "Really, Beyonce? You can't just stick to singing and dancing? Your acting hasn't improved since you were bad in Goldmember" So Iwent and walked the dog. I got back just in time for the thrilling conclusion, which I predicted before the movie even started. If Idris Elba hadn't been so good on The Office, I wouldn't have watched that much of it. Really, Beyonce? Can't Jay-Z just keep you at home? Please?

Rachel Getting Married
Have you ever watched a movie or TV show and thought, "Wow, I wish that was my life!" If so, don't watch this movie. If they have an Oscar for most depressing movie, this is your winner folks. I remember watching Ordinary People in high school, and thinking it was the most depressing thing ever. This makes Ordinary People look like Wow Wow Wubbzy. The only surprise was that none of the characters killed themself. . .because I kind of wanted to after watching this movie. I held out hope that I'd get to see Anne Hathaway naked, but no. Damnit.

Van Wilder: Freshman Year
It's now time to officially ban my wife from the Netflix queue. I don't even know where this movie came from! Anyway, you know how they take a good movie, then make a straight to DVD sequel that has the same characters, but with different actors, and then those actors try real hard to be like the original actor (in this case Ryan Reynolds) but they just look ridiculous and sucky while doing it? Yeah, that's this movie in a nutshell. This made the original Van Wilder look like Schindler's List or maybe Shakespeare in Love by comparison -- and don't forget that that movie had Tara Reid in it! So who's worse than Tara Reid? Kristin Cavalari from "The OC." There is one scene where some guys get tricked into smearing dog crap on their faces. When they opened the canister, I'm pretty sure it said Van Wilder: Freshman Year on the container. Turns out it actually said, American Pie: Band Camp. When will these people ever learn....the reason the original stars don't want to make a sequel is because the movie sucks.

Well that last one took more than a minute, but, seriously, it was bad. Until next time...
Excelsior, True Believers!

The Secret Life of Geeks

Those of you who know me (which is everyone who reads this as far as I know) know I am a geek. I am proud of being a geek. Most people, however, have no idea what makes a geek tick. In my world, what makes me tick is comic books. Therefore, I am part of the geek subspecies known as a comic book geek. In addition to me, the comic book geek subspecies also sports a species named Homo sapiens hugophanus. There's a lot of us around, but we're rather secretive. The reason for this being that it's not cool to stand up the first day of school in 19th grade and announce, "I collect comic books." Homo sapiens hugophanus, however, does occasionally blurt out comic book related items and other random things. In order to help you understand the geek side of things, I have decided to give you a peek inside my brain.

The following is a transcript based in the interior monologue I was having when I was frantically looking for a copy of Green Lantern (vol. 4) #28 because I had just read a tasty bit of info about it on the DC Comics message boards. This is, to the best of my knowledge, hand to God, what was going through my brain as I searched for a single comic that was somewhere in my collection of roughly 4000.

• Where is that comic? I bet it's in this box here. Let's see ... here's 27....29...30. What the hell!?!?!
• OK, let's check this box. I'll check these over here. Let's check this bag...hmmm here's the recent stuff...
• Oooo...Agent Orange story. I have to read that again.
• Here's a bunch of the Dark Reign comics from Marvel. I'm going to have to give Marvel some props for this in a blog. It's kind of a good story line.
• No Green Lantern. . . Let's check over here.
• OK. This has all the GLs from 21- 26. This is starting to get me pissed now.
• I wonder how the GL movie will be....I better get to be Kilowog.
• Ah, there's Final Crisis. I need to find all those and read them at once and see if they make sense....No, I don't think I want to do that. Yeah, it still seems to suck.
• Here's Marvel's Secret Invasion...now I remember why I don't give them any props.
• Marvel Secret War...God, Marvel sucks sometimes
• Who would win in a fight between Brian Michael Bendis and Geoff Johns?
• Does Bendis write EVERY Marvel title now? He was so good on Daredevil, but I don't much care for Bendis these days.
• You don't care for Bendis?
• Not at all. He does this dialogue thing.
• He does a dialogue thing?
• Yes, he takes a piece of dialogue and then has another character repeat the same thing as a question.
• They repeat it as a question?
• Yes exactly...ha, ha, I never get tired of that. I wonder if I still have that web site saved
• It's all true though, Bendis does do that. He also makes Spider-Man say things like "oy vey." That is so out of character.....It's out of character?....stop that Brain!!!
• I'm going to re-read the Sinestro Corps War tonight and see if it has any little clues for Blackest Night
• F ME!!! Where is that comic!?!?!?
• I think I'll read The Crow TPB instead of the comic I'm looking for...
• No, I can't stop looking for this. I'm becoming obsessed.....this is why people make fun of comic geeks.
• I need to bag and board most of these....ah, X-Men box. I love you, X-Men box.
• Where the hell is that comic!!!
• Oh, here it is...damnit.

So there, you have it. A peek into the mind of a hardcore comic book geek. As it turns out, I only needed that comic to read one page. And it didn't really shed any light on things the way I thought it would.

I will try to get more blogs done this week, in order to catch up. I know I have been a blog slacker lately. Until next time....Excelsior, true believers!!!