Eye, Doctor

While Dr. Harvard began what would become a very long and drawn out process of discovering what was making my body, essentially, try to kill itself, there was still the pesky problem of a gray map of West Virginia clouding the vision in my right eye. What that meant, was that it was time to follow up with a retinal specialist. So i was off -- again -- to another medical appointment.

I knew from the name on the card that my optometrist had given me that my retinal specialist was of Indian or Pakistani descent. I only bring that up, because as you read the very true account of the events that transpired, it's much more entertaining if you can imagine it being said with a pronounced Indian accent. Not quite as much as Apu from The Simpsons, but close. As I did with the nephrologist, Dr. Harvard, I've changed the name of the retinal specialist to protect him. I will refer to my retinal specialist as Dr. Jovial.

While Dr. Harvard was smart and clinical and very dry, Dr. Jovial was was outgoing and I assume slightly hyperactive. He is also very smart. I mean, come on, the guy's a retinal specialist. He was a very friendly guy. I think he may have liked me more than his other patients because, from the looks of the waiting room, at nearly 35, I was the youngest patient there....by a good 30 years.

As Dr. Jovial burst into the exam room, he first introduced himself and then said (and this is where you start imagining the accent), "So you're here to see us because you have swollen and/or burst blood vessels in your eyes, hmmm?"

"Yes," I said, "mostly in the right eye."

"And is it obstructing your vision?" Dr, Jovial asked.

"Yes, and to be honest, it kind of looks like a little gray map of West Virginia?"

"Really?" Dr. Jovial laughed, "I've never heard of that before. You are very funny."

Dr. Jovial then began to examine my eyes. He confirmed the swollen blood vessels, and said both eyes were in pretty much the same condition. The spot I was seeing was caused by a small amount of bleeding from one. He asked me if I had a history of high blood pressure or diabetes. I briefly recounted the story of my trip to the doctor, my outrageous blood pressure readings, and the conclusion that this somehow tied in to my kidneys.

"I can't believe that," Dr. Jovial said in genuine shock, " You have kidney problems? I seriously can't believe that. You're so fit. And you're young. What are you, 28?"

"No, I'm almost 35"

"No you're not. Do you work out a lot or what?"

"Well, I have been lately. . . "

"I just can't believe that someone like you is having these health problems," Dr. Jovial continued, "When I look at you, with you musculature, I mean, there's no way I'd ever imagine that. Amazing. What do you bench press?"

"Oh, I don't know, I don't really max out, I just try to lift some to..."

"Oh come on, you can tell me. What's the most you've ever benched?"

"Well, I put up 245 once. But it wasn't like a max out or anything, I did it like six times..."

"What? 245??? Wow, I'd hate to work out with you. I put on the little 35 pound weights and I'm laying there struggling with those. You'd make me feel bad about myself. HAHAHA!"

I just had to smile and laugh through the whole conversation. After all the bad news I'd been getting from doctors lately, it was kind of nice to at least find someone who was a little more upbeat. Dr. Jovial had to get a better look at things, and he informed me that they were going to inject some dye into my blood, then take some pictures of the insides of my eyes, and he'd have a better idea of what kind of shape my eyes were in.

I went to another room with a nice nurse who was going to inject me with dye. It seemed like something reminiscent of a sci-fi movie. She loaded up a syringe with a chartreuse colored goopy mixture. She told me that the dye had no real lasting side effects. The only thing I might notice is that for the next few hours I might notice that my urine was more yellow than usual. I kind of blew this off, because with all the testing that Dr. Harvard had me doing, I'd become pretty accustomed to seeing my urine in all sorts of colors. I wasn't really prepared, though, when on my way home I stopped at the mall, used the Dillard's bathroom and noticed that my urine was actually the color of the chartreuse goop they injected me with. And I think it may have been glowing.

Dr. Jovial showed me the pictures of my eyes and showed me the swollen blood vessels and the one that hard broken. He told me that I should continue to follow Dr. Harvard's treatment and that he'd see me back in one month. he gave my the internal photos of my eyes, telling me, "Here, you can frame these and put them on the mantle. next to your weightlifting trophies. I still can't believe you're that sick with your musculature."

At the one month visit, Dr. Jovial told me that I was showing incredible improvement, much better than he'd expected. He again said I should take my meds and keep doing what I was doing, and see him again in six months. At my six month visit, he pronounced me cured (or as cured as I would get -- I still have a gray spot but its much smaller and resembles the Big Island of Hawaii), and said I didn't have to see him anymore.

I was a little sad that I didn't have to see Dr. Jovial anymore. He was, quite honestly, one of the best doctors I've ever encountered. On that last visit, I took Lukas with me, since it was during the summer. Dr. Jovial took an instant liking to Lukas and let him play with equipment and showed him the cool stuff. Before I left, he told me, uncharacteristically serious for a moment, "You know, this recovery is quite amazing. I never wanted to say this, but f you had asked me that first visit what I thought the outcome would be, I would have said that you would never recover the sight in your right eye. I never expected it to turn out this way. That's a tribute to you for taking care of yourself and doing what you needed to do," he then looked over at Lukas who was coloring a picture, "But, then again, that looks like a pretty good reason to take care of yourself."

I told you he was smart.