The Battle of the Bulge

I am writing this having just returned from an arduous workout at the nearest YMCA. It is the second such workout of this week (which is two days old). That is more exercise than I've had in months. But following Thanksgiving dinner, and a lot of heavy breathing (OK, it was gasping!)following the annual fathers vs. sons family football game, I decided I should start getting serious about losing some weight. After all, I will be turning the big 4-0 in a few months and I have my yearly check up/lab tests with my nephrologist at the end of the month, and I'd kind of like it if my doctor didn't admonish me about my weight in that very calm, pleasantly soothing voice of his.

Before any of you get any ideas about giving me hot tips to lose weight, I'll just let you know I've been down this road before. I have to eat less, eat healthier, and exercise. Period. Just so you know, I have a long history of losing weight (and putting it back on). What follows is some of the high and low lights of those endeavors. . .

Spring 1987
The Damage: I suffered through a soccer season in the fall where I was dubbed "The Roly-Poly Goalie" by my teammates, despite being the varsity starter for most of the season. I seriously look a little bit like a beachball with legs, or maybe a cube. Self-esteem is not high. Dates are not plentiful.
The Turning Point: My mom bets me a set of contact lenses that I can't lose 30 lbs in 30 days. I really, REALLY wanted to get rid of my glasses.
The Outcome: I don't lose 30 lbs in 30 days, but I do get 25 off. My mom extends the deadline 30 more days. With her packing my lunch and getting me up to exercise every morning, I end up losing 35 lbs. Still can't get a date. I do get contacts. I don't have them when the family takes a vacation to Florida as I'd hoped. However, once in Florida, the first order of business is to buy a half shirt that says "Life's A Beach" and wear it for most of the trip.
Added Bonus: Returning to school in August, a new student tells a longtime friend that she thinks I'm "hot." Looking back, it may have been the new body, it might have been the new contacts, or it might have been that my mullet was now down to my shoulders. I tend to believe it's all of the above.

Fall 1989
The Damage: I learn that boys are not immune to the dreaded "Freshman 15" when you go to college. I have packed on my 15 by Thanksgiving. I have to ask my parents to buy me new jeans.
The Turning Point: I get back to school and discover that some of the guys I've been hanging out with know something about lifting weights and stuff. I begin to lift weights and stuff. I start to play a lot of pick up basketball -- even though I suck at basketball. I also begin to actually attend that class I have to walk to the other side of campus to attend, and walk to Aggieville less frequently.
The Outcome: As quickly as the Freshman 15 goes on, it comes off, and my weight says pretty steady for the rest of college. I still can't get a date.

Fall 1999 - Spring 2001
The Damage: After working a landscape job and discovering the Adkins diet, I report to my new job in Wichita a good 25 lbs lighter than when I interviewed two months before. I also get to live with my sister for several months, whose husband is also on the Adkins diet. That comes to end when they move to Texas and I have to move into an apartment by myself. All hell breaks loose in the form of Pringles and Little Debbies.
The Turning Point: I actually had a semi-successful long-distance relationship. When that came to an end, I am talked into joining a gym by a couple I'm friends with under the guise of it being a "great place to meet people." I decide that since I am newly single, I should join and begin to overhaul my body so it is more attractive to the opposite sex.
The Outcome: The only relationship I form at the gym is with the elliptical machine. We fall in love. I also hook up with a colleague who worked as a personal trainer. His tips, plus the elliptical, plus the discovery of something called a Stair Stepper help me lose 40 lbs and, once again, I have to buy new jeans. I get some dates -- mostly with crazy women. I dress up, just for fun, to coach a girls' basketball game. One of my players' sister sees me in my tie. We're introduced, fall in love, and (eventually) get married. I no longer have to search for a date.

Spring 2005
The Damage: After having a child, I discover that yummy kids foods with the word "graham" in them are not healthy. It is also discovered that my wife and mother-in-law are awesome cooks. The jeans I bought in 2001 are beginning to get tight.
The Turning Point: I leave school in May pledging not to return in August unless I am at least 25 lbs lighter. I become a regular gym rat at the YMCA working out five days a week for an hour and a half.
The Outcome: My 25 pounds are gone by Aug. 1. By Sept. 1 I've lost five more lbs. After that, soccer season picks up and I find myself unable to go to the gym as often. I lose 10 more lbs. I chalk it up as stress from a miserable soccer season and kind of miserable school year. But I'm 40 lbs lighter and still losing. I go to buy new jeans, and I learn I can almost squeeze into a size two smaller than what I'd been wearing -- a size I haven't worn since 1989.
Further Outcome: I find out that some of my weight loss is the result of a kidney condition. They put me on medication and I gain 20 lbs back in the first month. It's been an uphill battle since then.

And that all leads me to where I am today -- fat, out of shape, and a poster child for what's wrong with America. Fortunately, I want to do something about it. I hope that a year from now, I'll be telling you stories of success. I just know that with three kids, I am ready for a lifestyle change. It's hard to look at them and think of not being able to fully participate in their lives. So I am going back to basics and doing the things I know help me lose weight. I'll also be posting my weight daily on Facebook. It's something called the Public Humiliation Diet. I think it will work, because I can't lie about it, and I won't let myself feel like a chump by showing steady gains. If this doesn't work, I am blaming Corey Gabbert.

Until next time, excelsior true believers!!!

Giving Thanks

I just realized that it's been over a month since I posted anything on my blog. Most of the time I get delayed writing because of time, or more often because I can't think of anything to write. With Thanksgiving approaching, I thought it might be a good time to make note of the things for which I give thanks. Most everyone who reads this blog knows me. Therefore, they already know that I am thankful for having a great family, an amazing and loving wife, three incredible (and cute) children, and my good friends. If you know me, then you also know I'm thankful to have a steady job that pays me well enough to keep a roof over our head, food on the table, and enough leftover to go out to eat occasionally. I'm even thankful for my health. While it could definitely be better, those who know me know it could be a heck of a lot worse. I don't take all that for granted. Those things are the things I give thanks for every single day of my life. Those are the obvious things. So what I'm going to do is let you in on some secrets. I'll let you know all the little things I'm thankful for because they just make my life a little better (listed in no particular order. . .)

Comics Books: Really? You're shocked to see this on my list? Yeah, I'm a nerd, but just like when I was 16, there's nothing quite as fun as picking up your pull list and rushing home to sit on the couch and read them all non-stop. I don't go every week like I did back then, so it's even more fun to get a whole big stack and read them after everyone else has gone to sleep.

E-Books: Why? Because my mom was able to get two of her novels that she has dedicated a significant amount of her life to published as e-books. That. Is. Awesome.

Top Chef: Just Desserts: I got hooked on Top Chef when my first daughter was born. I watched all of seasons 1 and 2 on consecutive days during my paternity leave. I was really into season 3. Not so much with season 4, and then my interest waned considerably. One of the problems with cooking shows is that everything looks real cool, but when you get down to it, I don't think I'd like to eat broiled cod shanks with a pancetta and kumquat chutney. But Just Desserts? I could get into that show. I would eat everything they put out on that show. Very quickly I'm also thankful that Morgan lost because he seemed like a real (something I can't write because my mother reads my blog).

WWE Wrestling: How can you NOT be thankful for something that leads to your kids climbing all over you, giggling, and repeatedly fake hitting you with a fake steel chair suspiciously shaped like a pillow? I'm also thankful that I always win. It also teaches me patience, because more often than not someone accidentally steps on my privates.

Breakfast Dinner (aka Brinner): If you don't know what I'm talking about or why I'd be thankful for breakfast dinner, get off my blog. Really. Close the window and just go back to your friend Tom on MySpace. Brinner is awesome.

DVD Players in Cars: It's the best way to drive to Texas for Thanksgiving. Already planning on having Toy Story 3, How To Train Your Dragon, and Up completely memorized by the time I get home. Here's hoping the boy can somehow sneak The Simpsons Movie into the stack of DVDs for the trip.

TJ's Burgerhouse: Speaking of awesome food. . . best burgers in Wichita, hands down. And it's affordable so I can take the family.

The Colorblind Art Teacher and The Man With the Screaming Brain Blog: Any time I am having a bad day (especially at work), I can go to either site and guarantee myself a laugh. Thanks guys!

The Avengers Movie: Oh man, I think that's going to be pretty BA.

Macaroni and Cheese and Hot Dogs: Because kids never say "no" to macaroni and cheese and hot dogs. They also never say no to brinner. What? You didn't know that kids love brinner? I thought I told you to get off my blog!!!

Nick Jr. and XBox360: Sometimes every parent just needs a little break. Thank you Madden 11 and Wow Wow Wubbzy. And you, too, Ni Hao Kai Lan. But not you, Yo Gabba Gabba, you kind of freak me out.

So that's my list of secondary things that I am thankful for. Hope you enjoyed it, because I enjoyed writing it. I should also mention that I'm thankful for the three people who follow my blog (Terry, Hugo, and my mom). Have a happy Thanksgiving, and until next time -- excelsior, true believers!!!